


Things You Shouldn't

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive!Jake, And Dirk is hopelessly in love, Best Friends, Drinking to Cope, Explicit Sexual Content, Jake is an ass, M/M, pillow forts, tw: abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-26
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-02 16:31:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1059061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What are you supposed to do when your kid stops talking to you?</p><p>What are you supposed to do when your boyfriend starts beating you?</p><p>What are you supposed to say to explain that it's okay?</p><p>You shouldn't let this happen, but you do. There are lots of things that shouldn't that still do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted to my tumblr. I'm pretty sure on where I'm going with this, so I'll hopefully update within a couple of weeks. I also want to watch reactions, so...

===> Be the one home late.

                Late? You? That’s crazy. You’re not late... You’re _incredibly_ late. It’s almost two AM, for god’s sake! It’s not your fault though, your boyfriend kept you out late... Again. Sure, this has been happening a lot lately. Sure, your brother isn’t too happy about it right now. Sure, it’ll probably land you in trouble eventually. But he wants to see you and spend time with you, he loves you! And you love him, so there’s nothing wrong with that. Right?

                Well, your brother will probably think there’s something wrong with that. But he’ll never know; if you have your way. However, getting through your doorway at two in the morning without waking him up could pose some problems for this plan. Even though there are very good reasons for your getting home so late! Except... Dave won’t listen to those reasons. You know he won’t.  God knows why, but your guardian is the most stubborn person you’ve ever met.

                To be blunt about it, he doesn’t really like Jake. Why he doesn’t, you’ll never know, but he really has something against your boyfriend. Sure, Jake could be a little snippy and jealous sometimes, but there’s nothing wrong with that. He loves you! He doesn’t want to lose you! And there is nothing wrong with that at all.

                You’re wasting time out here, avoiding walking in for fear of waking your brother and making him ask questions. ‘Why are you getting home so late, Dirk?’ he’ll ask. ‘Did Jake keep you out all night again?’ It’s late; you really, _really_ don’t want to get into an argument with him right now... But you need to go inside. It’s cold outside, even in Houston, and it’s been a long day for you. All you want to do is go inside, take a nice, hot shower, and go to bed.

So here goes nothing. With a bit of trepidation, you turn the handle and push the door open. The resulting slow, deep groan makes you wince as you nudge the door open just enough for you to slip through. For once, you’re grateful for the inky blackness surrounding you. No light is let in as you sneak through the crack in the threshold...

...Only to be blinded by lights as soon as the door clicks shut. You flinch and curse, hands immediately going up to cover your eyes. As soon as you open them, you’re greeted with the sight of your older brother Dave, looking down at you with crossed arms over his chest. He doesn’t have his shades on. Fuck.

“Hey, bro.” You mutter, eyes glancing over him as you put up your keys by the door. Yeah, you’re purposefully avoiding meeting his eyes, but who could blame you? He’s intimidating even with his shades. Fucking six-foot-four and skinny, but you know he can knock you flat on your ass in two seconds and you wouldn’t know what had just happened.

“It’s two-thirty in the morning.” So he’s getting straight to the point instead of playing around with you this time. Great. You knew you were in for a round of ‘what kept you out’ questions that you really didn’t want to answer. So, instead, you nodded noncommittally. “Why are you just now getting home?”

“I was out,” you deadpan, quickly setting out toward your bedroom at the back of the flat you lived in. A second after you moved he was there in front of you, blocking your path with his tall frame. “with Jake. Does it matter that much?”

“Yes it fucking matters, it’s two AM and you’re _just now_ getting home!” he replied, expression cool and collected as ever even despite his obvious worry about you. You hate that he can do that sometimes. Keep his cool even though you can’t.

“So we watched a movie or two. It’s not like we were out breaking laws or anything.” You respond, voice smooth. This was the one thing you wanted to avoid having happen right now. You were not in the mood. What part of ‘go inside, take a hot shower, and go to bed’ did your mind just not understand?

“This is the sixth night in a row you’ve gotten home after midnight, and every night you say the same thing. ‘I was out with Jake, I was out with Jake.’ Answer me this: Why the hell is Jake keeping you out until this time of the night?!” He exclaimed, his mask of indifference faltering for a second as he gets himself worked up. It’s back as soon as it falls, though, and you choose to ignore his question.

Pushing past him, you hurry into your room and close the door behind you. It clicks shut, but the air of finality that usually comes with that sound is missing, and you’re instead left with an empty sort of feeling that whatever just happened isn’t quite finished yet. In all reality, it’s probably not. Dave isn’t the kind of person to just give in when you do things like this, and according to him you’ve been acting strangely recently. ‘Acting strangely...’ Ha! He’s just paranoid.  A familiar four-beat knock at the door has you sighing, pulling your jacket tighter around you and lying back on your bed instead of answering the door.

After the second set of knocks, you deign to reply. “Just come in, the door is open!”

“Dirk, you know we’re not done yet.” are his first words as he comes into your room. You laugh, the sound hollow, as though you expected anything else. Your flat expression is the only response he notices before continuing his tirade. “This is ridiculous; you’re going to get arrested or something. You have a curfew, you know.  You can’t keep coming home this late.” Once more, your silence is your only remark.  You knew you had a curfew, not only from Dave but also from the city.

“I’m not gonna get arrested. Calm down. It’s not like I’m walking around yelling, ‘Hey, I’m seventeen and walking around late at night!’” you reply, snarky and self-assured. Seconds later, you freeze, realizing just what you had said in your one moment of haughty, self-assured sarcasm. Your stupid move smacked you in the face.  _God damn it._

“You told me he was driving you home,” there’s an edge to his voice that you don’t want to touch, so you don’t. Instead, you opt to lie to him for the second time that night. “Don’t tell me you lied to me about that.”

“He is. That’s why I said I wasn’t walking around.” The lie is relatively apparent, but only if he’s looking for it. You hope to god he’s not looking for it, looking for that little intonation in your voice that always lets him know if and when you’re lying. But of course, like always... He looks, and instantly knows you’re lying.

“Dirk. I know when you’re lying to me. He didn’t drive you home, you walked. You were fucking shivering when you walked through the door, and you wouldn’t be shivering if he drove you home.” _God damn it, Dave._ He knows, he always fucking knows. But there are still some things he doesn’t know, some things you’re glad he doesn’t know. Things you never plan on telling him, and sometimes, what you do with Jake when you’re out this late is one of those things. Actually... A lot of the time it’s something you’ll never want to tell him.

So the plan right now is to just not tell him. “So I walked home, who cares? His car was low on gas, it’s not his fault.” Yet another lie to add to your running list. God, you were on a roll tonight, weren’t you? He’d never driven you home; you were always made to walk back to your apartment. ‘A little walking never hurt anyone!’ he’d say. ‘What’s two miles to walk?’ he’d say. You couldn’t bring yourself to disagree, walking out of his home with a wave goodbye.

The cold had indeed gotten to you through your walk home and you regretted going over just a little. Your body was sore and you were tired, having been up since god knows when that morning with little to no sleep the night before. But you liked to spend time with Jake, and walking home each night usually wasn’t that big of a bother, so you went every time he invited you over. It was your fatal flaw, you supposed.

“You should have fucking called me or _something_! He can’t make you walk home in the dark and the cold all alone- You’re gonna get hurt!” His concern was endearing, but you didn’t want to deal with it. Dave was being too worried. So you did what any teen would do when faced with a situation such as this one. You resorted to lashing out in anger.

“Get the hell out, Dave. I don’t need your sympathy.”

As you spoke you kept your amber eyes locked with his garnet ones, separated by two panes of dark tinted glass. Even with that barrier between you two, the way your words stung him came through loud and clear. He left your room without another word, and less than a minute later the slam of the apartment door rang out his departure. Ten to one said he wouldn’t be back tonight. He’d spend what was left of the night drinking away his thoughts, and call John to come pick him up and put the pieces back together when morning dictated he come back home.

You honestly didn’t mean to hurt him. But you knew that having him know what had happened, or letting him see your skin, would hurt him more. And speaking of that... You had work to do. A quick search under your bed found the first aid kit you’d bought yourself and begun to keep there. It had become something of a necessity in the past few months, especially with how much more often you’d found yourself needing it as of late. With a low sigh, you dragged yourself off of the floor, collected a change of clothes—long sleeved, as always—and headed into your bathroom to assess the damages to your porcelain-pale skin.

Deep blue and purple bruises mottled your back heavily, barely leaving space in between for your actual complexion to shine through. Over your shoulders it was worse, your skin nearly blackening in some places. It seemed that that was his favorite place to hit. The skin there tended to be harder to hide, and easier to mark up. No matter how much you begged and pleaded and cried, he hadn’t let up tonight. Not until he’d found his own knuckles darkened with the promise of swelling.

You were all too used to taking care of your injuries by now. Arnica and antiseptic were kept in your little first aid kit, and you took the time to rub the arnica oil over your bruised back and shoulders. It made the bruises less sore, and let them heal quicker. As soon you were satisfied with the state of your back, you turned your attention to the front of your torso. Black and blue were less apparent here, but there were angry red scratches that needed to be cared for, along with some angry bite marks. Short gasps pulled from between your teeth as you rubbed the stinging antiseptic into each little laceration.

Fuck, did this hurt.

One touch to the tile floor of the bathroom told you that the surface was cool, and would be fine to lie on while the arnica soaked in. All you really wanted to do right then was take a shower, but you knew that you couldn’t get in the shower until the oil finally soaked in. Didn’t want to wash off your hard work, now did you? The oil would help heal it up, so no one would notice. Except... Jake would notice. He would be able to tell that you’d tried to fix yourself up, make the bruises fade quickly.

Maybe next time you’d tell him no. Beg him not to hurt you, and maybe he wouldn’t. Everything was worth a try, at the very least. Next time, the tears you cry might stop him. The hoarse pleas would be noticed, and maybe things would go back to how they were before.

You let your mind wander aimlessly, thinking back to the first few times you’d stayed the night at his home. The first few times he’d touched your bare skin, caresses so gentle it seemed he was afraid to break you. Those were all gone now, replaced with harsh nails and pain brought by the hands of the boy you’d given yourself over to five years ago. You have him your virginity, he took your innocence, and you loved every moment of it.

But after that, he changed. He grew cruel, and cold. His gentle touches became harsher, hands leaving bruises on your hips as he used your body for his own pleasure. Kisses that were once feather-light now bit and sucked and pulled flushed skin away from muscle, leaving trails of red marks that were impossible to hide. You started to keep these secrets, things you had to hide from everyone so that no one could make you leave him.

Sometimes, when he was finished hurting you, he’d hold you close and caress your superheated skin; murmuring apologies into the red-tinted flesh and making promises you knew in your heart that he would never keep. His touches became sweet again, soft and gentle and laying affections over the skin he had just abused. It made your heart shatter into thousands of pieces when, the next time you went over, he repeated the process. Injure you, abuse you, and make you scream and cry and beg. Then kiss you, love you, make promises and break them once more. The cycle was breaking your heart.

The soft sound of a door opening caught your attention, and you shot off of the floor. Mere seconds later you were in the shower, assuming that the arnica had had plenty of time to soak in. The water scalded your sensitive skin, drawing hisses of pain forth from your chest and you hoped beyond hope that Dave wasn’t home.  You heard the door close, slamming, and there was your cue. It wasn’t Dave. Dave never slammed the doors around here. So... It had to be. There was no one else. It was the other male that had the key to the flat you lived in.

“Dirk! Dirk, where are you?!” came the voice of one Jake English, and you could swear that your heart stopped beating in your chest for a moment. You stayed frozen in the shower, breathing gone silent and shallow as you heard him move about; looking for you as your blood ran cold in your veins.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, crossposted to my tumblr.

==>  Be the one freaking out.

Yeah... Freaking out is a pretty accurate description of what you’re doing right now. Your heart is pounding a thousand miles a minute, blood run icy cold in your veins, and every second you don’t reply to his calls you know it’s just making it worse. Even with that knowledge, though, you don’t call out. You don’t reply to your boyfriend, calling out your name as he searches your apartment for you. This isn’t normal; he doesn’t usually come looking for you, or to check up on you.

“Dirk! Come on!” Jake’s voice rang through the flat, loud and low and tinged with that accent you could never quite place. It still made your heart melt, despite the soreness your body felt right now. The near-silent click of a door opening, and then the second when it closed drove your breath nearly to stop. The second set of clicks kickstarted your heart and your mind, and you spoke.

“J-Jake, sorry, I’m taking a shower!” came your voice, much shyer and weaker than you’d intended it.  Footsteps led up to the bathroom door, and were followed by the telltale turn of the handle and click of the latch as he simply walked straight into the room. You pressed back into the corner of the shower stall, watching him through the frosted glass. You saw clothes fall to the floor, and heard the little clink of the glasses he only needed for reading being set on the countertop. A minute later, the little door opened and your boyfriend slid into the shower with you.

“Why did you take so long to answer, Dirk? I was worried about you.” He asked, arms snaking around your waist and tracing little patterns on the unmarked skin of your hips. The touch was gentle and sweet, and you savored it as much as you possibly could. You didn’t know when the next time he’d touch you so sweetly would be. Amber eyes met the brightest green you’ve ever seen, and it drove you insane how much you adored them.

“I didn’t hear you at first. I’m really sorry, love.” There was a tacked on endearment, and you hoped he wouldn’t catch the waver in your voice. Instead of replying, he stroked down your spine lazily, the sensitive nerves there making you arch against him oh-so-slightly. It drove you crazy, but you loved how the touches could set your skin tingling with the promise of what could follow if he was feeling kind that day. He graced you with a sweet smile, the same smile he’d had on his face when the two of you had first met, and you smiled back at him.

“Of course, of course.”

Feather-light touches trailed over your skin, over each bump and expanse of flat skin covering your thin frame. His fingertips skated over you, and your eyes fluttered closed as you leant into each bit of gentle touch he gave you. Soft lips met your throat with trailing kisses and you tilted your head, exposing your skin to him the second he requested it. Fingertips played you expertly, making you bend and shift and whisper to his will. Sometimes, you hated that he knew you well enough to do this. More often than not, you adored each little touch you got.

“Are you upset, Dirk? You seem upset.. Did something happen with your brother?” Jake inquired, his voice tantalizingly sweet and gentle. You didn’t know if he would harm you or caress you with little kisses and feather-light brushes of fingertip over pale skin. At this point, you didn’t want to know. You wanted beyond wanting for him to simply hold you, touch you gently and apologize with brushes of his lips against your skin over every little mark he’d once more left you with. He drew little patterns on your hips as you spoke.

“We had a fight because I was home so late. This has to stop, Jake.. He’s really angry this time. I don’t know how much longer he’s going to put up with it. He left.” The words left your mouth before you could think them through, distracted by gentle caresses and unsaid promises of soft kisses and nigh-silent apologies against injured flesh. You worried for his reaction after you realized what you’d said. His silence spoke volumes about his reaction.

“Dirk... I am sorry. You know I am. But I cannot help but want extra time with you. I simply love you so much...” The grip on your hips turns harsher and you flinch, thankfully not visibly. A soft curse slips past your lips, barely audible and hidden by the pitter-patter of the water on the tile. You lean forward and press a gentle kiss to his shoulder, hoping that he’d take your silent apology. “I will try to let you head home earlier, my dear. Do you promise that you still love me?”

Jake’s emerald eyes find yours and your heart melts, a small slipping onto your face. Jake is the one person who you’ll allow yourself to smile in front of, the only one you’ll show emotion in front of. You adore him, and that’s one of the few ways that you’re able to show him as such. His hand stroked your hip, releasing the harsh grip and switching to a gentle touch. You last about half a second before shifting to kiss his jaw, and whisper your affirmative.

“Of course I do, Jake.”

==> Be the one with emerald eyes.

Emerald? That’s a bit of an overestimation. But you do have bright green eyes, which are currently locked with amber hues. Your fingertips are tracing absently over his pale skin, his hips unmarred by purple-black bruises and light red lacerations. Gentle touches are currently your forte. Dirk was a lot of trouble, and on occasion he annoyed you to your absolute wit’s end, but he was your boyfriend. On occasion you tended to lose track of your anger, and took it out on him.

No! You weren’t abusive. You simply wanted him to be yours, and be more obedient and less clingy than he tended to be.  The best, that’s all you want for him. Soft words drag you out of your reverie, and you smile down at the shorter, slimmer male.

“I’m glad, Dirk. I do quite love you, you know.” His eyes sparkle when you say that, and it stirs that darkness within you, that need to control that happiness. You want to be the reason he smiles, and you want him to listen to you. He doesn’t always. It gets aggravating. But, you live with it, and you came here tonight to kiss away some of the pain you’d inflicted upon your lover. Providing, of course, he decided to cooperate with your desires today.

“I-Is there a reason you came here tonight?” He asks, voice quavering just the slightest bit. He seems fearful, and you can realize why. Just earlier than night you’d laid into him, anger overtaking your mind as he quivered and begged for you to stop. Your heart hurts when you think about the pleas he’d cried, pain apparent on his angelic face. It had also fueled your anger, made you hit harder. You wore out quickly, and then let yourself fall to sleep after sending him out of your home. His steps were stilted, and you knew he was hurting.

“I came to spend some more time with you, make sure you were doing all right...” You trail off, and he laughs softly. He still seemed anxious, and it bothered you.  To remedy his apparent worry, you leant down and kissed him gently. His response was a bit slow, and you kept up with gentle movements of your lips to coax him into returning your kiss. Each movement was laced with sweetness, both to stave off your own anger and to relax the other.

A pale, rose-like color dusted his cheeks when you pulled away, and it made you smile. One last time your hands skimmed down his sides and he sighed gently, amber eyes fluttering closed. Moments later you reached behind him and flicked off the water, opening the shower once more and wrapping a towel around your now shivering lover. After fastening a towel around your own waist, you moved to gently towel the water from his hair. The ruffled, fluffy locks made you giggle a little, and he flushed a deeper red.

How cute he looked, flustered and shy when you took care of him in such ways. Once you’d collected your clothes, you beckoned him to follow you, heading toward his bedroom. The towel stayed fastened around your waist as you walked, followed by the slender figure of Dirk wrapped in two. It struck you as you closed the door behind him that he looked incredibly pure in this way, as if untouched and virginal. Perish the thought; he’s not as pure as he could appear in moments like this.

“You do look quite cute when you’re so messy, dove.” You whisper, an arm wrapped around your smaller counterpart. He walked with him, staying close even as he collected some loose pajama bottoms and a tee for himself. You slid back into your own boxers and t-shirt as he dressed in the new clothes, and you watched him with an absent interest. He was quite attractive, conventionally and otherwise. His skin was a pure alabaster shade; pale and perfect save for the bruises and faded scars.

He was beautiful, put simply. Amber eyes and silver-blond hair accented the palest skin you’d yet seen, dotted with freckles where he had spent too much time in the sun and become burnt. You knew he had makeup to cover noticeable scars and bruises, the palest shade of ivory companies were capable of making. He was beautiful, and more so when color blossomed on his skin from injury. You hated that you hurt him, but you loved the beauty it caused. Most would call you sadistic. The term ‘aesthetically atypical’ was more of an accurate fit, in your mind.

“I-I do, do I?” He stuttered, cheeks a burning shade of crimson. The color highlighted the dusting of freckles on his cheekbones.  A mental note is filed away for you to make him blush that color more often.  “If you’d like to stay overnight.. I think Dave will be out all night. We had a pretty big fight.” The tone of his voice begged you to stay, and you thought that you may. You want to make things up to him, make up for each injury you’d lain against his skin earlier.

“I can stay if you wish. It’s your choice, dear.” Sugar sweet, your words promised things you weren’t sure you’d be able to follow through with. But you’d be damned if you didn’t at least try. So you spoke once more, stroking his side gently through the thin shirt he’d donned. “I’m so sorry for what’s happened, love.. I feel so bad.” Jake held him close, an arm wrapped gently around his waist. He tried to be gentle, knowing that his back was covered in bruises.

“I... I want you to stay, Jake.” Dirk’s voice was soft, and you heard the strain in it from where you were touching sensitive skin. With a soft sigh you moved to kiss his throat, stroking his side and leading him to lie on his front. Gentle hands pushed up the shirt he’d pulled on only minutes before and even you flinched at the damages done to him. A whispered apology slipped from your lips, and you stroked over the blackened skin.

Patterns were traced by your fingers and followed with gentle, feathery brushes of your lips. Every touch was soft and sweet, atonement for each sin you’d forced upon the smaller boy. This time could never make up for it, though. Could never make up for each time you’d heard him plead and watched him cry, brought there by pain wrought from your hands. It hurt you too, but you don’t believe he would ever think as much.

So it was during these times, when you had a hold on that darkness inside of your heart, that you kissed and caressed him; loving and adoring and oh-so-reverent as you tried to make up for the pain you’d caused Dirk. It still wasn’t enough. It was never enough.

Whispered apologies followed your travelling kisses, lips brushing against his skin with each word you tried to say. Soft skin prickled and fluttered under you, muscles shuddery under his thin frame. He got like this every time, sensitive to each breath that you took and each slight movement you made. He paid so much attention to you, and you were nervous that you might break down and give in to that darkness again. That need to own him, control him.

“It’s okay... I love you, I still love you, Jake..” You heard, Dirk’s signature articulate speech cutting through your reverie in response to each apology, each prayer that you kissed into his body. The scent of arnica floated up and you were glad in your own way, he was taking care of himself despite your near constant abuse. It killed you inside, fed the black fire that threatened to consume your heart with each moment that passed.

“I love you too, Dirk, I promise I do... Even though I don’t always seem to act like I do.” Words spilled out of your mouth before you could stop them, and you were glad that they did. Reassurance had to happen were you to keep your beloved, and this was one of the few times he knew you genuinely meant it. The memories were painful as soon as the moment passed, the memories of the times when you laid strike after strike onto the fragile body you kissed now.

Dirk’s brother Dave would be furious to find you here, especially in such a position and state of dress with his younger brother. But your moral mind forced you to stay, you wanted to stay. Make him smile once more, turn that gorgeous expression back on you so you would be yet reassured that he truly did still love you, despite all of the horrid things you’d done.

“Should I try to leave early in the morning..?” You whisper, the question soft and embarrassed as you listened to his breathing. Each inhale and exhale were steady, a rhythm your own picked up and copied within moments. As your breathing synced up completely, he shifted to sit up and pressed a chaste, close-mouthed kiss to your lips. You froze, letting him do as he pleased.  The second Dirk pulled away, you opened your eyes and smiled softly at him.

“If you wish to, then yes. I would be okay if you decided to stay... I wouldn’t let him make you leave.” The words brought yet another small smile to your face, and you kissed his forehead.

“Then I’ll see you in the morning, dove.”

It was late at night, and you were tired. You stood once more, tucking Dirk into bed and settling on the bed next to him after turning out the lights. His eyes closed with sleep, as did yours. The last thing you saw before sleep was his peaceful, sleeping face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> www.this-is-so-a-multifandom-blog.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crossposted to my tumblr-- which is now: dramatical-strider.tumblr.com!

==> Be the one who walked out.

Yeah, you walked out, what about it? There wasn’t anything else you could think to do in a situation like that. Insolence wasn’t easy to deal with, especially when the relationship between you and your little brother wasn’t great to begin with. Jake just complicated things further, and drove the wedge between you and your brother into you two’s relationship even more. Oh, wait. You should probably introduce yourself before this goes much farther.

The name’s Dave Strider, filmmaker and director of the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff (SBaHJ) film franchise. Famous is an understatement, even though you hide out here in Houston and pretend you just don’t exist sometimes. Dirk was your little brother, your charge, and you tried your best to have some kind of good relationship with him. But he was a teenager, and there were hormones and boyfriends and other all too common issues between you two. There was something about Jake that put you off, but you never managed to put your finger on what.

Despite the longevity of the two’s relationship, you felt there was something off about it. Dirk was more closed off than ever, and it’d gotten worse and worse since (you assumed) Dirk had lost his virginity. It was about three years into the relationship. It wasn’t like you preached chastity to him; you had had your own various lovers and weren’t going to label yourself a hypocrite by preaching abstinence and no sex out of marriage. But there were sentiments behind your lovers, and you did have feelings for each one of them. No drunken one-night stands from bars in a long, long time; you’d given those up the second Dirk was placed into your care. There was an example to set, and damned if you weren’t going to try your best.

Sure, you probably could have stayed and argued with him more, but he was a teenager. He hadn’t listened to you for real in a couple of years, at least, and there was nothing you could do about that. If he wanted to listen, Dirk would listen. But for now, you had other things to do. Namely; cry into your best friend’s lap.

“John, I don’t know what to do...” you sobbed, voice choked and tight. His fingers carded through your hair, fair and pale as it was, and fingertips scritched and scratched gently in alternating patterns. It was soothing, a touch feather-light and soft as could be. Of course, this wasn’t the first time this’d happened, either. The two of you alternated between who was soothing and who was being soothed. You were best friends, occasionally lovers, and without a doubt always there for one another.

“You’ll figure it out, Dave. You always do.” His voice was soothing to you, as sappy and lovesick as that sounded. “It’s just a fight, you two have them all the time. When you go back in the morning everything will be fine again. In the meantime, let’s get a little drunk and go pull pranks on Jade and Rose.”

Another plus was that he always came up with great ideas.

So that’s how you ended up where you are now, a backpack tossed over your shoulders as you stole away with two drawer’s full of ladies’ underclothing. It was a juvenile prank, something you would giggle and laugh at in private and with John. The girls were living together out of ease, as they attended the same university while Jade got her Ph.D.’s in Botany, Biology and Advanced Mechanical Design. Rose was working on hers for Psychology, with her writing career left to the online generation. All of her works were posted online for free, and she had no problem with that.

Psh, your friends and their ‘advanced degrees’ and ‘university loans’ and all that fancy stuff... You had your movies, and your brother, and for a while you were grand. Hell, you were still grand. Your life was pretty fuckin’ sweet right now. A treasure trove of women’s panties and bras locked up in your backpack, and within seconds you’d be joined by John.

Ah, there they were. The telltale giggles that told you he was catching up, breathless and happy, on a high from a successfully pulled prank. It had been way, way too long since the last time you two had gone on a trip like this, just played around and joked like you were kids again. When you reached the park, you fell onto the grass and just laughed, face flushing with a lack of oxygen as you clutched your sides. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d laughed so hard, for so long. John always knew how to make you feel better, and you’d be grateful for the rest of your life, you just knew it.

It took you a few minutes to actually say anything. “...John, did we seriously just steal underwear from our only two female friends?” the responding laugh was almost instantaneous, and as infectious as it could ever be. You responded in kind, returning to a side-splitting laugh a minute later.

John was breathless when he spoke, and you could hear it in the tone of his voice. “Yes, yes we did. I am still the master of pranks, Dave.” A short scoff slipped from your lips.

“You’re also an ass. The girls are gonna be pissed when they find out.” The thought made you snicker. Maybe it was just the alcohol in your system, maybe it was the fact that you had no consequences to account for when you would wake up the next day. But you didn’t care, you were happy right now, and you were damned well going to let yourself enjoy it for a little.

“I’m an ass and you’re not as cool as you think you are, what else is new?” His words drip with snark, and you can’t help but laugh. When you’re a smartass he throws it back in your face, and that’s honestly probably the reason you like him so much. He doesn’t care that you’re famous, that you’re some big shot director out in LA. You’re just Dave, his friend. The kid that he bought aviators for when you two were only thirteen and you’d not lost them. They mean a lot to you, they’re your most prized possession, if you’re being true.

John looks straight past your outer self and makes you lose your cool. It’s refreshing, that he doesn’t idolize you or shove you up onto a pedestal. He never would, and if he ever did it would just be so he could throw a cake at you and laugh when you stumbled and fell. The friendship you two shared allowed for that sort of thing, laughing at each other’s pain before you offered a hand and pulled them up off the ground. God forbid someone else does something bad to either of you, but it didn’t matter if you did it to each other. It was friendly, betwixt you.

The world you two lived in was complicated but it worked out just fine in the end, which was why you tended to just accept it.

“John, can we go get drunker now? We’ve stolen their panties, and I don’t much fancy sleeping in the city park tonight. God knows reporters would be all over that story the second anyone saw us out here. It’d be big news around LA. Like if Mount Rushmore were struck by an earthquake. Monumental news.” The pun you made wasn’t lost on John, and the subsequent punch to your arm told you as much. Your shitty humor was constantly made fun of, but you didn’t care.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go with you to indulge your inner Hollywood starlet and get you drunk on fancy wines and fruity cocktails.” John stood, and you followed suit. Minutes later you two were back in his car, headed toward the nearest bar. So what if you had an affinity for sweeter drinks instead of hard liquor? There was no problem with that. It was classier!

At least that’s what you told yourself. It may or may not actually be due to the fact that you _absolutely cannot stand_ the taste of alcohol. Hollywood made you soft. But wines were tasty, and you appreciated a well-made cocktail. Fruits were your favorite thing, and no one could judge you for it. Whatever.

As you two walked into the nigh empty bar, a smile slid onto your face. This was an old favorite haunt. You’d spend hours upon days upon weeks writing here, working on your very first screenplay with John at your side to make sure you didn’t work yourself sick. Rose took time to babysit Dirk, and you could never hope to make up for it.

The two seats at the very end of the bar were practically reserved for the two of you, and you both took your normal places immediately. John ordered drinks for both of you—an appletini found its way into your hand moments later and John picked up his rum and coke.  The disparity was kind of funny, but you chose not to say anything and sip your drink instead. The soft, fruity flavors were familiar and honestly brought a wave of relaxation over your body.

“I needed this...” you mumble, voice quiet and muted. The atmosphere was relaxed and happy around you, and it was comforting to know that you could come here whenever you needed. The bartender left you two to your paces, and you set out on the long, straight path toward plastered, knock-out drunk.

“If you have a massive hangover because of a lack of water, I am not listening to you whine in the morning. I’ll take you straight home and let Dirk deal with you.” John threatened, pushing a glass of water closer toward you. You were almost offended. Of course you’d remember to drink water! It’d prevent the massive hangover you didn’t want to have when you woke up tomorrow morning and had to go back and confront Dirk.

“I know, _mommy,_ ” you teased, leaning against his shoulder a bit and polishing off the first drink of many. It was due to be a long, long night of drinking. Thankfully, there would be no need to worry about drunken phone calls or texts. You’d surrendered your cell phone to DD John at the beginning of the night. It was a requirement after the last couple of times, when you’d made calls you regretted and almost ruined your reputation.

In all reality, John did mother you a little. He was kind and loving, and definitely the best friend you’d ever had the pleasure of having. You needed him, and didn’t think it’d be too selfish to say that you thought he needed you too. There was a system of give-and-take in your relationship, and you absolutely adored it.

“God, I hope I’m not your mommy.” Was the reply that came, and you laughed. John really didn’t take any shit from you.

About three hours later, the bartender called that it was closing time. At that point, you were beyond realizing that, so you just clung onto John as he walked you out of the bar after making you (messily) sign that the payment for drinks would come out of your account. Drunken giggles slid past your lips and the smile that was stuck there, and you placed kisses along the exposed skin on John’s neck.

“Dave, come on, get in the freaking car. At least wait until we’re home!” he whined, pushing you into the backseat and wresting the buckle over your waist. “Sit still or I _will_ put the child lock on that seatbelt.” John threatened, closing the door and sliding into place in the driver’s seat. You passed the time it took to get back to his home giggling at nothing in particular and watching the light-streaked scenery go past.

“Can I trust you not to jump me if I let you out of that seatbelt?” his tone was teasing, and it made you laugh to see the ‘I’m serious, mister’ look that he used to give his little sister Jane. You nodded a little, and fumbled with the seatbelt. After a moment, John took pity on you and unfastened the clip for you and helped you out and up. Once more leaning heavily on your companion, you two walked into the house with only a little bit of trouble from your end.

Mere seconds after crossing through the doorway, you were latched onto John’s neck and kissing every centimeter of skin you can reach. Your movements were sloppy and uncoordinated, but it was vaguely clear what you were trying to do. That is, until John took hold of your shoulders and pushed you back.

“Hey... Jh’n...” you whimpered, words slurred and mixed up. He held you a bit away as you tried to move back to where you could kiss him. He shook his head, and you pouted. “Why nooot?”

“Didn’t you make a promise about seventeen years ago not to have any more drunken one-night stands since a certain someone came into your life and you had to adjust to being a responsible, good role model for him?” John chided; his words gentle despite his stern grip on your arms. It made you slump a little, and you nodded.

“Yeah.. I did..” A pout slipped onto your face and you pulled away, stumbling toward the guest room you normally stayed in. A few steps after you left John’s arms they were back around your waist, helping to keep you steady on your feet. You begrudgingly thanked him, and he tucked you into the bed you fell gracelessly onto.

“You’re welcome, you silly drunk boy.” There was the brief sensation of lips against yours in a chaste kiss, and a contented smile slid onto your face. Seconds after John had tucked the blankets around you, you were deep asleep.

==> Be the one who just woke up.

Ugh... Just woke up? Wait—does that mean it’s morning? Shit..

Morning meant that it was time to go wake the person who would likely be hungover, despite the fact that he actually had had water between his various fruity drinks.

The name’s John Egbert, pre-med major in attendance at SCU, Skaianet Connective University. You hate it sometimes; how busy you get because you’re working on your degree and doing part-time work at the shop downtown, along with residency so you can actually get your degree and become a doctor... Your hair’s a mess no matter what you do to it, and you’ve got bright blue eyes that hide behind contacts when you’re actually working with patients.

With a heave, you shoved yourself off of the bed and up out of it. It was work to get out of bed in the mornings sometimes. You threw on some sweatpants and headed out of your room, going toward the room where your current housemate was more than likely still knocked out in bed.

“Dave, you awake yet?” you called, knocking lightly on his bedroom door. A groan was your response, and the reaction made you laugh. “Come on, you’ve gotta get up. I guarantee you Dirk is waiting for you to get home, and I have to leave for residency in an hour.”

The door opened to reveal one Dave Strider: clothes rumpled and hair messy. It appeared that he’d at least had the foresight to take off his shades before he fell to sleep, as they weren’t still on his face and bent up. Tiredness was quite apparent in his eyes—especially the dark purple-blue bruises that compromised the circles underneath them.

“Ungh.” He grunts, staring you down. You produce a bottle of water from behind your back and he perks up a little, taking it and gulping down about half of it. The action makes you laugh, and he sends you a look that would scare someone else.

“Someone’s thirsty. So... How hungover are you?” He hands you back the bottle and follows you down to the kitchen, where you two set about making a breakfast. Since neither of you were exactly cooking majors, you just ended up with cereal and cinnamon-sugar toast, with a glass of AJ for Dave and some milk for you. It was simple, but definitely enough for you.  It was a perfect start to your day, minus the fact that Dave probably had a major headache.

“I’m not that hungover. Just got a minor headache, and a major case of cottonmouth.” Came your reply, and you nodded sympathetically. It was even nice, to be able to take some time in the morning to have breakfast with your sometimes-lover. It didn’t make loads of sense, your relationship, but it worked out and in the end you were really happy.

“Cottonmouth will be cured with water, and you know where the aspirin’s at if you find you need it. You’ve got until I’ve got to leave for residency to get all you need done.” Maybe it was kind of mean for you to be so short with him, but you had places to be, and if you didn’t get your entire residency done, you weren’t gonna get your degree. And you really needed to get that degree.

“I know, I’ll have all my stuff done by the time you’ve gotta go.” Dave blew a kiss your way and you returned the gesture, heading off toward your bedroom so you could get dressed and make yourself presentable for the working world that you lived in.

After a quick shower, you donned the scrubs that you had to wear for residency and made an attempt to make your hair behave for once. Realizing that was a lost cause, you slid in your contacts and blinked, still unused to wearing them despite the few months you’d been doing so. You took a minute to check on Dave, who was dressed and ready to leave in your living room.

“You ready to go?” He called, looking back over at you when he finally caught sight of you out of the corner of his eye. You sent him a quick nod and he walked toward the front door with you. The car wasn’t too cold, which was nice, and in no time you were waiting outside of his apartment and contemplating just shoving him out of your car.

“Dave, I have to be at the hospital in twenty minutes. Will you please get out now?”

“John, I can’t do this.” He sent you a scared look, and you sighed.

“Yes you can, you say that every time this happens. Just go inside, and talk to him.” You leant forward and gave him a tight hug and a kiss on his cheek. The smile he gave you was shaky, but still there. Seeing it relaxed you a little bit. “You know this is gonna be fine. You two fight, but you’re still related and he’s still your brother.”

Dave’s voice was soft when he replied. “...Alright. Thank you, John. For everything.” He gave you one last hug, and then slid out of the car. You were a little worried about him, but it couldn’t bother you. The last thing you saw as you pulled away was his back disappearing into the doorway to their apartment complex.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crossposted to my tumblr, as always!

==> Hey, wake up!

What..? Why? It’s late still, and you’re tired... Go away...

==> Come on, wake up..!

The sudden noticing of sharp pain in the middle of your spine finally dragged you from your unconscious state, and you blearily opened your amber eyes. With a soft sigh, you took stock of the situation around you. Jake’s elbow was digging into a particularly painful bruise, and even though it didn’t seem to be intentional, the stimulation still made tears prick at your eyes. Lightly, you took hold of his wrist and shifted it just so, just so it was off of that pressure point. A sigh of relief slid from your throat, and you contemplated simply falling back to sleep until you caught sight of your clock.

When the hell had it gotten to be 7:26AM?! Dave was due home in fourteen minutes, and you were half naked lying in bed with the boyfriend your brother couldn’t stand. _Damn it._

“Jake. Jake, I need to get up. Now. Like sixteen minutes ago now.” You whispered, hushed and urgent, into said boyfriend’s ear. Ten agonizing seconds pass before he pushes at your face, and you fall back with a heavy sigh. “Jake, you might not have to get up, but I need to put a freaking _shirt on_ before Dave gets home or we’re _both_ going to have some uncomfortable questions to answer!”

At that, Jake finally moves. He looks up at you, pushes you off of the side of the bed, and falls back down to the pillows. You hit the floor with a thud and a short cry, but make yourself brush it off and walk to the bathroom again. It had taken a while for you to realize that you hadn’t put on the clothes you took to the shower, and once you did realize, you felt like an idiot. With a heavy heart, you stripped out of the short-sleeved tee you’d donned last night and winced audibly at the sight of your day-two bruising.

Blue-green had darkened to deep purple and black, even with the soak of arnica you’d rubbed in last night. It took a moment of looking, but it was clear afterwards that some of the lacerations that were on your back would need to be stitched if you didn’t want to get an infection. How that was going to happen, you didn’t know.

A second more of thought, then you pulled on the dark, long sleeved shirt you had intended to put on the night before and headed back to your bedroom. Jake hadn’t moved at all, and that didn’t surprise you. You curled back up in bed, right under his arm where you’d been before he’d pushed you out about five minutes before. 7:32AM. You had eight minutes before Dave came home, and probably blew up over Jake being here, and in your bed.

Those eight minutes were exquisite agony for you, curled up in your love’s arms as you waited for your guardian to come home and ruin it all for you. Jake’s touches were still soft and sweet, light as they skated over your skin. It honestly kind of surprised you, with how roughly he’d pushed you away only minutes before. Maybe he really was getting a handle on his emotions, or maybe it was just because he would get caught right now. You hoped it was the former.

\---

Seven-forty rang through the house loud and clear, and your heartbeat tripled in speed. The look Jake gave you was sarcastic at best and murderous at worst. A hopeful assumption put it somewhere at ‘calm the hell down’.

Seven-forty-one rang with the click of a door, and the _wush_ of one closing. There was Dave home, just a minute off of Dirk’s assumed time. It paid, sometimes, to learn the schedule of Dave’s close friends. John had residency today, and he would never skip out. The degree he was working toward meant too much to him to skip a day of residency. This was valuable knowledge for one who was hiding his bumps and bruises, as it gave you a timeframe to be presentable by each morning. Even if that presentability was kind of thrown out the window today, it was still valuable information.

Now, the routine was a bit more variant. If Dave had a bad headache, or a hangover, he’d go straight to his bedroom and ignore your existence for a few more hours. If he just had a headache, he’d lie on the futon with a glass of water nearby, and check on you within approximately twenty minutes. If he felt okay... Then you were going to start the day bad.

You listened for footsteps and doors opening, those would be your cues for how Dave was feeling this morning. Doubtless, he’d gotten stone-cold drunk last night with John, but if he’d had water in between then his hangover wouldn’t be bad at all. This all depended on his foresight, and how well he’d managed to keep up. God, please let him have been too upset to drink water between his no doubt countless fruity drinks.

There was the sound of the fridge door opening, and then closing. The lack of follow up made you think that maybe he did have a pretty extensive headache. It took a second for you to realize that the reason you didn’t hear any footsteps was because Dave had flashstepped to your doorway, and it only clicked when you heard the door handle being turned. Instantly, you let yourself fall back into a faux sleep, hoping beyond hope that Dave would just buy it and leave you alone.

Two beats of silence, and then he spoke. “Dirk, I know you’re not asleep. Jake. Get the hell out of my house, now.” The tone of Dave’s voice made you want to shrink into yourself, and you didn’t see or hear Jake responding at all. For some reason, that frightened you more than if he’d decided to say something. Why was no one saying anything..? Okay. This silence was way too uncomfortable for your tastes. Time to speak up.

“Dave, he’s here because I invited him. He wanted to make sure I got home okay, and I invited him to stay over because it was late. You can’t send him away just because you have some stupid vendetta against my boyfriend. This reaction just screams ‘I’m a homophobic asshole,’ you know.” You explained, words quick and clipped. Subconsciously, you stayed as close to Jake as you could, and as completely hidden underneath the blankets as you could. It must’ve been reflex by now, to make sure that the secrets you kept stayed secrets. “I still don’t even know what you have against him; he’s never done anything to you!”

“Dirk, if I’ve told you once I’ve told you five hundred fucking times. Something about this kid puts me off, and I don’t fuckin’ know what it is but I’m gonna go with my gut. English, get the ever-loving hell out of my house before I call the cops and have you forcibly removed. You’re not going to come over here after making my kid _walk home in the freezing cold_ and have him just accept it. Get the fuck out.” The subtle expression written on Dave’s face spoke legions about his anger, but for now you thought it was safe to argue.

“Dave, you can’t kick him out for no reason. He’s not hurting anyone. Chill.” With that, you leant forward and kissed Jake’s cheek gently. His arm wrapped around your waist, and he pulled you closer against his side. It took biting your tongue to keep from crying out, as he’d put lots of pressure on a heavily battered expanse of skin.

“Really Mr. Strider, I don’t understand what it is that you have against me. I love your brother, and he’s very precious to me. I would love if we could actually be friends, or at least cordial to one another. After all, if Dirk and I end up staying together, you and I will be related at some point.” Jake replied, his voice oozing charm and smooth as honey. There it was again, that was the voice you fell for. It made you sad that it wasn’t too often anymore that you got to hear it. It only came out when Jake found that he needed to persuade someone, or get someone on his side again.

“ _That_ is what I have against you. That stupid manipulative tone. I work in Hollywood, kid, I know when people are trying to bullshit me. You’re not being sincere, you just want me to leave so you can seduce my brother or whatever the hell you two were so busy doing yesterday that he didn’t get home until _two-thirty in the morning._ ” Dave fumed, his hands jammed into the pockets of the same jacket that he was wearing last night. Or did he take it from John? You hadn’t paid enough attention to his attire last night. Your attention was slipping, and as a robotic designer, you really couldn’t let that happen very often.

“Dave, stop it. I love him, and he loves me too. I don’t care if you don’t like it, we’re together and we’re staying together. So either you can continue to hate it and hate it in silence, or you can learn to like him; those are your options here. There’s nothing that he’s ever done to you, so you can relax.” Your voice was definitely snappier than normal, but you were getting more than a little tired of the constant arguing between you and Dave and Jake.

At your sudden outburst, Dave’s face shifted between a few emotions for a minute before settling on stoic and turning on his heel. All for the best, you supposed. He decided to leave you two be, and for now that was all you really wanted. You had a moment of peace and quiet, and some time to spend with your love.

Jake’s touch shifted from around your shoulders to down on your hip, rubbing circles into the front of them with a deceptively gentle touch. He moved you to lie on your side, and as always you didn’t protest. Within seconds he was matched to you, lain on his side with one hand in your hair and the other holding on to your hips. His grip was a bit harsh, and you winced as he moved his hand and it pulled at the back of your scalp.

“J-Jake, that’s.. A little..” you started, barely having the time to get that out before his lips silenced anything else you would say. Jake’s lips were gentle and soft, but his kiss was heated and passionate. It took your breath away almost immediately, and your hands found their way to rest on the other male’s shoulders. The contact grounded you a little, and Jake pulled you closer until the two of you were pressed together; barely a breath’s space between you.

Short little gasps slipped past your lips whenever he broke away, barely enough time for him to take a breath before he was stealing yours away once more. As his kisses trailed down your throat, you finally had a chance to breathe and your chest heaved with quick, short intakes. Soft gasps and moans slipped through your throat, and you thought to stay quiet as the other boy ravaged your throat with kisses and bites and suction that still managed to make you cry out.

“J-Jake, Jake, Dave’s h-h-home!” you gasped, as he bit down at the hollow of your throat. Silently, you cursed your sensitivity. It felt too good for you to ask him to stop, even though your brother could hear at any time, and come into your room again.

“Is that you telling me to stop?” Jake asked, his lips brushing your skin as he spoke. There was a threat hidden under his words, a threat that you didn’t want to touch right now. You were worried, though, that if you didn’t tell him to stop that things would go too far; especially with your brother being home, and you living in an apartment.

“Y-You have to stop.. For a while.” The voice you heard wasn’t yours, it was much too quiet, too scared, too fearful. It was the voice you took on when he was hurting you, the voice you used to beg and plead and cry to hope that he wouldn’t hurt you anymore. His eyes turned harsh, and you visibly flinched.

==> Be the one that should leave.

The words you heard made your blood boil hot in your heart, even though you knew that was ridiculous to feel that way. There was an incredibly good reason for him to tell you to stop, but your mind wasn’t letting you acknowledge that. It infuriated you, him taking that control and telling you what you could and couldn’t do. For a minute, you tried to push down those blackened feelings, and focus on the fact that he’d defended you in front of his brother.

It was killing you, knowing that if you gave in here you could lose Dirk forever. If Dave ever saw what happened behind closed doors, the anger that resonated off of your skin when you were angry; there was no doubt in your mind that he would have you sent out, have you sent to jail if he could. His brother meant a lot to him, and you laid into him every other day. Thank the heavens that Dirk disobeyed you, that he took care of himself despite you telling him not to. You cursed the same defiance you praised in him; as it only fueled the fire that burned in your veins to know that he willingly and knowledgeably went against your words.

If Dave was home, you could keep hold of yourself and not hurt him. If Dave stayed home, Dirk wouldn’t hurt right now. But if Dave left, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to hold back the need to hurt Dirk, that need to assert your control and make him scream.

A soft sound from your side drags you out of your mind, and you look down to see Dirk looking up at you. Apparently he’d been trying to get your attention for a few minutes now. You could get like that, lost in your head. Thoughts tended to take you over, especially when you were trying your hardest to keep from doing something. It’s not your worst habit, though, so you dealt with it with few complaints. Dirk’s little nudges closer to you told you he was cold, and you wrapped your arm around him absent mindedly. The little noise you got in response made you smile, but your smile faded quickly as you  heard the door close with a click.

Damn.

Where could Dave even be going right now? Dirk settled against your side a little better, and your arm tightened around the thinner boy’s waist. What had been a gentle comfort mere seconds before was now a harsher hold, much more protective and possessive than before. How it took less than a minute for dark thoughts to take hold of your movements, you’d never know, but your mind was completely clouded by anger and your hand took a bruising grip on Dirk’s likely still sore hip.

The whimper you got in response was just evidence to back up what your mind supplied, that you were hurting him by holding as tightly as you were. With a tug, Dirk was pulled underneath and you hovered over him. Your knees were settled on either side of his thighs, and your hands framed his head. It only took a second for you to lean down and capture his lips in a bruising kiss, one hand tangling in his hair and pulling hard. His responsive gasp parted his lips almost instantly and you took advantage, diving forward and claiming his mouth as yours as you explored with your tongue; paying no heed to the quiet sounds your partner was making.

When you pulled away he was panting for breath, cheeks flushed and eyes half closed. It was cute, you thought. The hand in his hair threaded through the strands gently before you leant back to sit on your heels, drawing your hands away. There was a smile on his face for a second, before the palm of the hand that was previously in his hair connected with his cheek in a sharp smack. His head jerked to the side, eyes flying wide with surprise as a choked cry fell from his lips along with the smack. The sound from the slap resonated in the room, and you could already see the tears prickling at the corners of Dirk’s pretty amber eyes.

“J-Jake, Jake please don’t- I-“ You cut him off by pressing the palm of your hand against his mouth, silencing any further pleas and digging the nails of your other hand sharply into his side. A whimper slipped through your fingers and you shoved his shirt up, taking your hand away as you did so and pushing the shirt up and over his head. However, you left it around his arms and tucked the extra fabric behind his neck.

“Quiet, Dirk.” You snarled. A short nod was the reply you received, and with that you scratched down his chest hard. Red lines rose mere seconds later, and his breath hitched with the effort not to cry out or whine with the feeling. Short, blunt fingernails dug into porcelain-pale hips; the skin almost unmarred on the front. Dark red crescents were clearly seen when you pulled away, and you knew that they were likely to leave bruises.

Once more you shifted, pressing your knee against his side and forcing him to turn onto his stomach to lie. As soon as he was pressed flat you began to rub into each of the bruises, thumbs digging into tender flesh to the sound of whimpers and whines from the boy pinned beneath you. The sound drew more anger into your heart, and you scratched harshly over the cuts already left on his back. By now his frame was shaking with repressed sobs, and you dug a knee into the small of his back in punishment. As you leant over him, you whispered into his ear.

“I thought I told you to be quiet, Dirk.” You growled, voice low and strung through with danger. Anger radiated off of you in waves, you could swear that it was tangible in the space surrounding you. A short sob escaped your boyfriend, and you snapped.

You balled your hand into a fist and pulled back, landing a blow to the center of Dirk’s shoulders. He cried out audibly this time, and you repeated the movement with more force behind the impact. It was difficult not to grind your knee down into his spine, with how your thoughts were veered out of your own control. Seconds after the thought crossed your mind you did, earning tears and whimpers. They were quick to soak the pillow he was lain on, and you could see it easily.

“J-Jake, Jake, pl-pl-please, please stop..!” he begged, head turning away from the pillow just enough to gasp out pleas for you to stop. Your hand twined into his hair and pulled back, forcing him to look up at you from his awkward position. His breathing turned quick and rasping, and you knew that the angle was restricting his airways. He turned a tiny bit, and screamed out as it made you dig your knee harder into the small of his back.

“I don’t want to hear it, Dirk. This is your fault! If you weren’t so damned needy all the time, you’re lucky I stay with you! All of this crying, and getting _me_ yelled at by _your_ guardian!” Every few words, there was a punctuated slap as you punched his shoulder, drew another smack across his cheek, dug your knee into his side. This anger was unfounded and pointless, and some tiny, rational part of your mind knew that. Fury shoved it aside, and you shoved Dirk from under you.

“I-I’m s-s-sorry! Jake, Jake please I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen I swear!” he sobbed, and you could barely understand half of the words he said. He landed with a heavy thud and a cry, his wrist ending up underneath his hip. You could swear you heard a crack, and for a second you feared that Dirk had broken his wrist when he hit the floor.

Two seconds passed and those worries were gone, replaced with a sharp kick to Dirk’s hip to force him off of his wrist. “And look at that, you’ve probably gone and broken your wrist. You’re useless to me when you’re hurt, Dirk! Why don’t I just leave you?!” you screamed, voice cracking with choked back fury.

“Jake, n-no, no, pl-pl-please don’t leave me- I-I’m okay, I swear..!” Dirk choked out, past the tears and sobs still trying to pull from his chest. You shook your head and sat on the edge of the bed, kicking his hip hard and watching him curl up. It did twisted things to your heart, seeing him cringe and curl in pain that way. It sickened you when you were in control of your mind.

“I’m not going to stay here and listen to you grovel, you pathetic child.” Your words were practically a sneer, and you stood. A step took you back to Dirk’s side, and you set the ball of your foot onto his hip. One whimper, and you stepped down. He cried out, practically a scream at this point. It seemed like he’d had enough, and you’d had enough of dealing with him today.

“I p-promise, I’m okay.. D-Don’t leave me..” he whispered, groveling at your feet as he pleaded with you not to leave. The sight made your heart race with power, and a devilish smirk slid onto your face. You wouldn’t leave him.

“You’re lucky you’re good with your mouth, Dirk. Even without your hands, you’re still of some use to me. Just to be my playtoy.” You cooed, sugar-sweet and paired with a stroke of your hand over his cheek when you knelt down. He leant into your touch, as if he was desperate for the gentle, sweet touch you were giving him for once. Just a second later, you smacked him one last time. “And you won’t tell anyone, will you?”

“N-No, no, no I promise I w-won’t... Th-Thank you, I love you..” he whimpered, kissing your shin before you kicked his side and shoved him away so you could leave the room.

“Do not dress your wounds. It’ll be worse for you next time if you do, Dirk.” You warned, stepping over and away from him and immediately through the door. A slam closed it behind you, and your footsteps echoed through the empty apartment. You could hear quiet sobs from the room you’d just left, and you didn’t bother to look back as you closed the door to the apartment.

\---

There was little traffic on your commute home, and it took approximately half the time it normally would for you to arrive. Once more, your house was empty. That didn’t surprise you, your grandmother was almost never home. It didn’t bother you either. Steps lead you up to your bedroom, and you fell onto the bed with a relaxed sigh. Taking out your anger earlier had been good for you, you were much more relaxed now.

==> Be the one calming away his sobs.

A few minutes had passed, and your breathing was finally back to normal. Little whimpers and gasps of pain slipped past your lips as you pulled yourself from the floor. You picked up the first aid kit once more, and headed into the bathroom to fix yourself up.


	5. Chapter 5

==> Breathe, breathe...

Shut up, you’re trying! Your chest ached with each breath you took, and it damn near made you cry when you felt the fabric of your shirt falling down over your skin again. Your tears had dried and stained your cheeks, and it’d been a scarce few minutes since Jake had left. Truly, you were anxious to know where Dave had decided to go off when he’d just gotten home. Maybe you’d made him mad again? God, who even knew with how you two were with each other at this point. 

The bathroom was too bright for your sensitive eyes, but it was more necessary than ever for you to assess any damage Jake had done to you. The hits he had laid against your cheek had felt bruising at the time, and even now you could feel the sting. Makeup would be needed to cover the bruises. You’d have to be on your toes, or find a way to lie to Dave and explain them away. 

It shocked you a little. Jake had never had the audacity to hurt you in your own home before, and as much as it pained you to say, you didn’t want to go back into your room. You were frightened. It scared you, the idea that not even home was safe for you. But you couldn’t help the way you still wanted him to stay, wanted him to come back and hold you close and kiss away the pain that was dully throbbing through your frame.

A heavy sigh slipped past your lips, and you took to looking over the wrist you’d fallen on. At a glance, you could already see black-blue bruises blooming over your skin. An Ace wrap really wouldn't be enough for this; it should be in a cast or a splint or something. You went over your mental inventory of spare metals, nodding to yourself when you realized that you likely had a strip of iron that would be both solid enough to hold your wrist in place and prevent further damage, and thin enough to keep hidden under an Ace bandage. Relief flooded your mind and you set to covering your cheek with makeup, little winces slipping past your lips as you rubbed over sensitive skin.

Pale ivory that matched your skin tone exactly covered up your cheek, the black bruises fading with each pass of the little makeup sponge over them. It gave you a certain sense of relief, to see the marks disappearing before your very eyes. There was a sense of security that came with the makeup; it helped you to be sure that there was no problem, no way that you could be in trouble or be caught. You could still feel the tingle of Jake’s hands on you, and it nearly caused you to cry.

No, stop it, you were stronger than that. No more crying. You’d already cried once today. It was time to get your wrist into a splint. With a sharp exhale, you slid out of the bathroom and took a detour to the kitchen to get some orange juice. The morning brought on a need for you to have juice. It was your favorite drink, and the familiar flavor was relaxing. After settling the glass in the sink, you returned to your bedroom and pulled out the iron you had. Seemed to be the perfect size, how fortunate. It was ironic.

Some medical tape wrapped around your wrist to hold the iron there, and you wrapped up your wrist tight with Ace bandage; finding that you couldn’t move it for the most part. Perfect. Providing it stayed solid enough, you needn’t worry about the bones setting wrong and needing to be  rebroken . Thank god for your robotics. 

When you’d finished wrapping up your wrist, you found your phone and switched it on. It took a second for any missed messages to come in and upon further inspection you found five of seven were from Jake. Those, you chose to ignore for now. One message came in a second later, one from Dave. The other two were from Roxy, leading to a total of eight that you had to answer eventually. Eventually meaning now, in this case.

For argument’s sake, you chose to answer up to  Rox  first.

_ Hey,  dirky , u busy  tonite ? _

_ Di- stri , don’t you ignore me _

Shit. Missing Roxy’s texts was usually cause for her to come see you, and now was really not the time for a spontaneous visit from your nosy best friend. She meant well, she really did. But you were more worried about her finding you in such a position, especially since you hadn’t finished applying  coverup  yet. Shit. Fuck. God, you hoped she hadn't left her house yet.

To hopefully pacify her, you quickly tapped out a text.

_ Sorry  Rox , I was in the shower. You know how I like my showers. _

God save you if that didn't stall her at least a while. A tinkle and a buzz from your phone tell you that she’s messaged you back; or at least someone has.

_ U took a shower last night! Why so many r/n? _

Did you tell her that? Wait- Yeah. You were texting her when you left Jake’s for the night. You told her you’d take a shower when you got home.

_ I guess it just felt like a good time for a shower. You know I can't explain these things, Ro- Lal . _

Roxy was probably your very best friend in the world, but you still hoped that you'd never have to tell her about all of this. This stuff with Jake, with how weird he'd been acting as of late. You knew she'd freak out and tell Dave at the very least.  And that was most definitely something you didn't need right now, not when you had other things that you  had  to finish doing first. And god knew when Dave would get back, god damn it you have too much to deal with!

_ ... alrite  but  im  keeping an eye on you, strider _

_ Understood,  Rox . I'll text you later, okay? _

Now was really not a good time.

_ fine, but u better text me back! <3 _

_ Will do. _

Okay. Now that  that  particular disaster has been averted, time to deal with the next major crisis. Jake.

_ Are you there, sweetheart? _

_ Dirk? _

_ Dirk if you're mad I'm sorry... I love you, I do. _

_ I'm sorry, I truly am, you know I don't mean it. _

_ ...If you hate me I understand. Please don't ignore me. _

Sigh. Now this was familiar territory. It was the same messages every time, with a few words switched around to spice things up. "I'm sorry, I love you, I didn't mean it." He says it every time. You believe him. You always believe him.

You find that you can't help loving him. After a moment, you realize. These were sent yesterday. He sent those before he came over to your apartment. All of this could have been avoided if you'd just turned on your goddamn phone.

So metimes you hated yourself.

It's not a good time to text him back. He'd just be angrier. And you don't want to make him angrier.  Oh well... 

You sighed, and opened Dave's text message.

_ apple juice or apple cider? _

Sigh.

 Why the fuck is he asking you about apple beverage preferences? You don't even really like apple shit. Oranges are your thing. And cherries. Cherries were fucking tasty. 

He probably just feels bad for being so fucking crazy lately. You were just being a teen. Living your life. He needed  a reality check. 'S not your fault you're growing up.

_ You know I don't care, Bro. _

Maybe you were blowing him off. But he was being a dick lately. You had your rights. Anyway, it'd been a few minutes. A nap sounded fabulous to you. And Roxy probably didn't expect you to  text back until later today. 

You could take a nap if you really wanted to. That sounded like a perfect idea, actually.

==> Go back an hour or so, and leave.

If you were being honest with yourself, you would admit you were wrong. If you were being honest with yourself, you would tell yourself that you needed to go back home. If you were being honest with yourself, you would have turned around and gone back inside. But, if it wasn't obvious already from all the ifs, you weren't being honest with yourself. Instead, you were here. In the grocery store. Looking back and forth between apple juice and apple cider as if the correct bottle could tell you how to fix everything right now.

...What the fuck was wrong with you? You really needed to go home, or text Dirk, or something. There was no need for this pointless avoidance. He's your brother! Your charge! But at this point you were literally just wasting time and avoiding the con frontation . 

Okay. Yo u can do this. Your phone is in your hand. You've got a blank message open. All you have to do is type. Even just one word will suffice. That's all you have to do . Type one word, put his number into the receiving  box, and hit send. You put one word. No emotion, no pushy implications, no need to worry. You've got this. You are Dave-Motherfucking-Strider, director extraordinaire. This is easy. You deal with Hollywood bullshit and the paparazzi. Come on!

...You text John instead.

_ 'sup? _

Now it was time to play the waiting game. John might text you back, he might not. He was at work, after all. To be fair--and maybe because you were lonely and upset and needed help--you throw out a text to Rose as well. She's more likely to be able to legitimately help you, anyway.

_ rose _

_ rose  lalonde _

_ best friend.  sorta .  _

_ rose c'mon  i 'm  having a breakdown you usually jump at this  kinda  shit _

_ Oh come on. _

_ Yes, Dave? _

God you loved her sometimes. Or most of the time. She was almost always there, even if she had a major draft due in just a few days. Thank god for Rose  Lalonde .

_ rose do you think dirk hates me? _

_ i  think he hates me _

_ do you know? _

_ can you help me? we're all up in this cycle and it's like were in one of those fucked up spinning tunnel things at some shitty carnival and no matter how much we run forward and trip and fall flat on our asses we just can't get out of the fuckin' hallway of hell. _

_ ...it's all that  english  kid's fault anyway. something about him throws me and I don't know what it is but it throws me and I can't trust him _

_ fuck those messages were long _

_ ... hehe , long. that's what she said. _

_shitty_   Office _ jokes aside... help me? _

What was taking so long for her to reply? Usually she was faster than this and-

_ If you would give me just a moment or two to read the messages you just sent me, I would gladly help you. _

_ ...sorry, rose. _

Metaphors and rambling uncontrollably were two things you never quite managed to grow out of. Words can get a little out of hand for you. That's probably why you were a director. All of the words in your head were way easier to get out in pictures rather than on paper. To take advantage of a shitty  old  cliché , a picture's worth a thousand words. In that case, your films must have been worth trillions.

You're buzzing, always buzzing, full of words and thoughts you can't ever manage to get down right on paper. It keeps you lost for sometimes hours in a row, and--oh. Rose. She replied.

_ First off, that is a very elaborate and very creepy metaphor. Please never related your familial struggles to carnival fun houses again. I would greatly appreciate it. _

_ Second; no, I don't believe that Dirk hates you. You're aware that he's a seventeen-year-old boy, correct? Most parents have some kind of familial troubles when their charges reach adolescence. They want to break away, you want to keep them close... It's the cycle, Dave. Now why exactly do you think he hates you? _

She sure was quick to the point today. Ouch. What got her panties in a twist? Oh well. You were willing to concede  the point on the metaphor thing. Creepy subject. But come on, at least you managed to stop before that got  too  out of hand! She ought to give you some credit on that.

...Why do you think Dirk hates you, anyway?

_ well he's been distant as fuck lately and all we ever do is fight and argue.  i  can't remember the last time we had a semi decent conversation with one another. fuck. _

There we go. That's a start. Rose can help you sort through your thoughts from there. She's good at that kind of stuff.

_ That all sounds like normal teenager behavior, Dave. _

...Perhaps you ought to give her some more insight.

_ lalonde  he's been getting home after midnight for the past week and he goes straight to his room. won't even say a word to me. and  i  keep finding medical shit in the trash.  i  know for a fucking fact that  i  didn't beat him up that bad in our last strife. _

Maybe now she'll  underst \-- _Ping!_   Well that was fast.

Upon actually clicking on it and checking the message, you find it's actually from John instead. Probably ought to reply to him as well.

_ Dave you know  i' m  at work, right?  R esidency, finishing my degree, becoming a doctor...  A ny of this ringing a bell to you? _

Sure, what you were about to say was probably rude, but you didn't feel that bad. John could be an asshole too sometimes.

_ yeah  yeah . you  wanna  be a doctor so you have to practice all day and night and for whatever reason you can't just do it at home with a few games of  _ Operation

Ten to one says you apologize for that later. You want him to be successful, you really do, he's worked his ass off his whole life to get where he is now. He deserves it.

_ Well  i 'm  on break right now so what do you need, you overly pretentious directorial prick? _

_ a) that was a fancy insult. b)  feelin ' the love,  egbert . c) I just wanted to talk. can't  i  just  wanna  talk to my best bro? _

_ You left Dirk at home again, didn't you? _

Damn, he catches on fast.

_ maybe _

_ okay yes  i  left again but in my defense I come home to  english  sleeping in his fucking bed next to him half naked.  i  didn't know how else to respond to that. _

What you'd  wanted  to do was grab his black hair and forcibly drag the kid  off of Dirk's bed, and then throw him out of your apartment. Sadly, neither Dirk nor the authorities would be too happy with y ou if you'd done that.

_ ... i'll  admit that under those circumstances I would have left too. _

_ ha! _

_ But still. h ave you even talked to him since like, last night? Dave you have to talk to him. he's probably freaking out too _

Dammit now John was  gonna  lecture you on teenage relations and emotions and shit too, just like Rose... Shit, Rose! You  kinda  forgot about her for a minute there... It's probably--no, definitely--about time you replied to her.

_ Where has be been that keeps him out until such late hours? And the medical paraphernalia that you've been finding could easily be from accidents with his robotics. In fact that's likely what it's come from. Sheet metal is quite dangerous. _

_ ...Dave? _

The robotics. That makes sense. That's a perfectly  logical reason for the bandages and shit. Okay. A better reason than anything else you've come up with.

_ h e's  with the  english  kid while he's out. don’t know what they're up to until fuck-all early in the morning and I really don't care to find out.  _

Hell if those  kinda  thoughts don't weird you out. Ugh. The idea of thinking about that stuff makes your skin crawl. Feels perverted. You don't particularly like to make a habit of dwelling on your kid-slash-brother 's sex life.

_ Dave, it sounds to me like Jake is exhibiting some very... Possessive  behaviours . You yourself said that the kid gave you a bad vibe from the beginning... _

Nope. No. Hell no. Hell  fucking no. She is not about to go there. There is absolutely no  mother fucking  way that she is about to imply what you think she's about to imply. Dirk isn't that stupid. He wouldn't take that. You raised him not to take that kind of shit from anyone.  Especially  not someone he cared about, or thought cared about him. Fuck no. Rose can go straight to hell.

But you decide to give her the benefit of the doubt and read her message.

_ This relationship seems rather unhealthy from what you've told me. Are you sure that Jake is treating him right? _

Oh no. Fuck no. Not right now.

You can't take this right now.

It's time to reply to John.

_ well we  sorta  talked this morning when  i  freaked the fuck out on  him ...  english  pissed me off. don’t even ask why, cause I have no clue, but that kid pisses me off. _

_ Dave, just text him. whether you explain what happened or not, at least he won't be freaking out the same way you are. _

God you hated it when he was right. You really did just need to text him. It wasn't that hard. You've been standing here texting people for almost forty minutes now. The employees of this market are getting more and more pissed with you, you can tell.

Okay. Time to send him a message. But what should you say? Fuck. Rose was better at this than you were. So was John, honestly.

Something simple. Something that didn't require loads of thought or some sort of emotional response. You looked back to the bottles in front of you.

_ apple juice or apple cider? _

==> Now that we've come full circle...

Mnn .. Ah. You stretched a bit and then winced, feeling it pull at the scratches and bruises now mottling your skin even more heavily. A glance at your phone told you that it'd been a few hours, now closer to nighttime than to day. 

It also told you that you owed Roxy a few text messages, at least.

_ Rox , Roxy I'm back, I'm awake. _

_ dirky , baby! _

_ Yes, yes, your best friend has surfaced once more from the land of sleep and dreams. _

_ di- stri  we need to hang _

_ like _

_ now _

Now? Now  now ? She couldn't be serious. Maybe tomorrow. Or sometime this weekend. You needed to make plans with her. Pacify for just a few days.

_ I can't hang now, Bro's got me stuck here. How does Saturday sound to you? _

_ saturday ? but  saturday's  so far away...  dirky  please? _

_ pleeeeeease ? _

_ sooner? _

She's so persistent. But you adore her. Friday. And you'll tell her you'll spend the night. Dave won't have a problem with that, he adores Roxy.

_ Friday. And I'll even clear it with Bro to spend the night if you want. We haven't had a Strider- Lalonde  sleepover in way too long.  _

_ ooooooh , dick- dirk, you sure know how to treat a lady! _

_ friday  it is _

_ see you in two days,  dirky  boy! _

Two days. Just two days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, crossposted to my tumblr dramatical-strider.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

 

==> What day is it..?

Thursday night.

==> Oh...

As you expected, Dave had absolutely no qualms about you going over to Roxy's for a  Strilonde  sleepover. He had never had issues with Roxy. It probably had something to do with Rose. Dave trusted Rose with damn near everything, hell if you knew why. He just kind of did. There was something about her that he trusted, though, so you were clear to go to Roxy's pretty much whenever you wanted to. In times like this, that innate trust came in handy.

So here you were. Overnight bag all packed up and ready to go, complete with your travel makeup box and a set of medical supplies. For the most part, the bruising on your cheek had healed itself up. The arnica helped. Instead of purple-blue-black, the space was now more of a red-green-yellow color. Thank god it had faded out as quickly as it had. You still had to cover it up, of course, but it was a much quicker process now.

On the other hand... Dave hadn't been super keen  about your story on how you'd hurt your wrist. Falling on the stairs wasn't a common occurrence for you, and he'd been even more frustrated since you hadn't told him a bout it sooner. He'd nearly forced you to go to the hospital for it. Thankfully, you'd managed to talk him our of that and he'd conceded with you keeping it braced and wrapped. You may have also lied and told him that "it's only a sprain, Dave, chill the fuck out." But what else were you supposed to do? If he'd known it was likely broken, he'd have made you go to the hospital for sure. Hospitals meant doctors, and doctors meant probing questions that you weren't prepared to answer.

At least you'd had the foresight to let Roxy know your wrist was messed up before your visit; yet another exercise in avoiding conflict. That really was bec oming a skill of yours. Avoid conflict with everyone it's possible to. Was that sad? It's probably at least a little sad. Oh well. At this point, it's literally all force of habit. Anyway. Roxy had freaked out and ba dgered you to go to the hospital, just like you'd expected her to. All of this was old hat at this point in your life.

The only preparation you'd yet to finish was to let Jake know you'd be at Roxy's. And that  wasn't likely to be a pleasant experience. You really didn't know which would lead you to a better fate; telling him now and being honest, telling  him a lie and hoping he didn't find out, or simply not telling him at all. Jake did like to know where you were, but... It's not like he'd want to see you. There seemed to be a  refractory period of sorts after anything major. And he'd never broken anything on you before. His radio silence the past two days was just proof that he felt bad, and he'd never do it again!

You weren't making excuses for him. Jake never meant to hurt you, never! It was accidental. He said himself that he's not always feeling himself, that sometimes he can just lose control a little. And he loved you. Jake always told you he loved you. And you knew that Jake wouldn't say something if he didn't mean it. Not while he was feeling himself. Other J ake loved you too, and oh how you adored Jake. Fuck Dave. He just didn't know how strongly you two felt about each other. Probably didn't even know how it felt to be in love.

Anyway... You were getting off topic again! How were you going to tell Jake, if you told him at all..? If you lied to him and he found out the truth, he'd likely be quite angry. But if you told him the truth now, he might still get upset. You really didn't like to make him upset. It made you feel like a horrible boyfriend, to make him so upset like that. He didn't deserve to be so upset. It wasn't right, to let him be so miserable because of you and your stupid decisions. God damm it, Dirk, can you focus for five minutes, please? Back to the more important matters at hand.

You're  gonna  text him. By the time he reads the message in the morning you'll already be at Roxy's. Then there won't be anything to worry about. Absolutely nothing. Just one little message, that's all it'll take. That's all you have to send. Three words will do the trick. 'Going to Roxy's.' That tells him everything he could possibly need to know. Or you could send a longer one, telling him how much you love him and that you'll see him on S unday. Oh who are you even trying to kid right now?! Jake won't come to see you tomorrow. He'll come Saturday night at the earliest. You'll be home and have all your things put up by the time he gets to your home. You will.

And tomorrow you will not worry about Jake. Roxy is your best friend in the whole wide world and you refuse to waste even a minute of your time with her dwelling on your boyfriend. Especially not when you haven't seen her in approximately four months. God did you miss her. Next time you need to go and see her earlier. Can't wait this long again. It's been too long, and you knew that  Rox  was  gonna  say as much too. You missed girl talk. You missed how she used to talk about that cute dark haired carnival girl she'd been crushing on. You wondered if she'd made a move on her. Hell if you knew. All you knew was that the gap needed to be bridged. Like...  Y esterday.

Another quick glance at your phone told you that it was nearing midnight. If you didn't want to knock out on  Rox  later you really needed to get to sleep. Now. No more worrying about Jake or Dave or your arm or anything else. Time to relax and curl up in bed. Lose yourself in dreams for a few hours. Tomorrow will be a good day, you know it will. A day with your best friend. The first day in way too long. Only one thing could possibly go wrong , and  he's the last thing on your mind as you drift off to sleep. In your almost asleep state, you miss the tingling chime of your cell phone's text alert.

\------

_ "Dirk!" _

_ Ungh ... No... Too tired to get up yet... _

_ A sharp pain in your chest had your eyes flying open within seconds of recognizing the pain. The sight that met your eyes stole the breath from your lungs and drove ice into your heart. _

_ "Jake..." you tried to speak  but found that no matter how you tried not a word was audible. There was a weight on your chest, something you couldn't see crushing your chest . Its pressure made you choke, your breath escaping your lungs almost instantly. Terror gripped at your mind as it seemed to get impossibly heavier, infinitely more painful. And then, just as suddenly as you'd registered it's presence, it was gone and you were choking down lungful after lungful of precious oxygen. You nearly sobbed with overwhelming relief, then realized that your lungs still burned. _

_ All the time you choked and gasped, emerald green eyes watched you. There was no emotion behind them that you could fine, but the hard line of your lover's lips gave you a clear idea of how he was feeling. You wished he would say something to you. Anything. God, why wasn't he saying anything? Why was he just watching? Often times, the silence was worse than the screaming. It hurt more. When he screamed, he still talked to you. His silence hurt more than any hit, kick, or scratch he'd lay against you. Silence meant that you weren't worth it to him anymore, and that killed you. Knowing that burned you from the inside out, and you knew you couldn't live if he ever decided you weren't worth it. _

_ "J-Jake..." you tried again, managing a broken whimper this time. As soon as you made a sound, though, the weight returned threefold, crushing you ever more completely. His eyes c aught yours once more, and you flinched back from his razor-edge gaze. _

_ When he spoke, you didn't recognize the sound; harsh and grating and unforgiving. _

_ "You haven't figured it out yet, have you?" the voice mocked, cruel and uncaring. "Tsk  tsk , Dirk. You should have realized by now. Your life  is  in my hands, after all." _

_ The Jake that you refused to believe was actually Jake held up a hand, flat palmed, and you once more gasped; drinking in oxygen as much as you could. Slowly, agonizingly slowly, he closed his hand. Your chest tightened with his hand, air once more torn from your body. His other hand then rose in front of your eyes, bathed and dripping with crimson red blood. In an instant, he clenched his hand into a fist and you awoke; shaking uncontrollably and sobbing silently on your floor, your throat aching with unreleased screams. _

\------

In the morning, you hardly remember the dream. Your mind is focused on Roxy, and the day you have planned to spend with her. A good day in, spend watching movies and catching up on all you've missed in the time you weren't really speaking. It's just what you need after the  week you've had. Some quality time with your very best friend. You can't help but hope that she finally made a move on the cotton candy carnival girl. She was all  Rox  talked about for almost three straight weeks. It was adorable how smitten Roxy was about her. Hopefully she finally plucked up the courage to ask for her number.

Roxy's relationship problems aside, it was high time you got heading over there. If you'd really felt up to it, you could easily walk. but god dammit you are seventeen years old and you really feel like driving this time.

It took you approximately forty minutes to get ready; clo thes , hair, cover-up, shoes, shades.You rewrapped your wrist too, just to be on the save side. Convincing Dave to let you take the car honestly wasn't too big a feat. For the most part he let you do as you very well pleased. Breakfast passed with few sparks, even though you were both a bit displeased with the other. The days that had passed had helped bridge that gap. Most of the tension between you had faded along with the bruising on your cheek.

Of course, Dave wouldn't know that.

"Dave, I'm leaving," you called, almost an hour into his House Hunters marathon. Roxy had just given the clear, so you were itching to get over there.

The answer he gave was nothing more than a short wave, likely waving you out the door so he could focus on the shitty reality TV he watched for reasons beyond your understanding. Even if it was rude, it worked for you, so instead of being offended in any way you simply picked up your overnight bag and walked out. Dave's car was nice, a neo-classic BMW that you only drove when you actually felt like being an adult.

It definitely wasn't out of place In Roxy's driveway. Rose was a writer, after all, and a damn successful one if you were to even mention that. They lived in a sort of urban mansion, built very simplistically but furnished with items on the same rung of quality that your own home was. Even with the understated décor, you adored Roxy's home. It was beautiful in a strange way that you didn't really care to think about. Roxy was the important thing here, the whole reason you were here. Architecture couldn't talk to you and make you laugh whenever it felt the urge.

No sooner had you closed the door on your car were there arms wrapped tight around you, and a high voice sing- songing  your name in your ear.

" Dirky !" she cried, the smile on her face dragging one onto your own. Her happiness was infectious, even to you whom had perfected your poker face beyond most people's ability. It was adorable, how excited she always was. By the sparkle in her eye, you could tell she was still good. Two years sober  and staying on track for infinitely more. She'd done so well, and you were incredibly proud of her.

"Hey,  Rox . Gentle on the arm, okay?" you laughed, arms twining around her waist gently. Roxy was thin like you and Dave. Built like a gymnast. God knew she could twist and flip like one too. Girl was a champion-- when she decided that it was worth it to get off of her computer. That was one way you two bonded, via a mutual love of computer coding; although hers was often more hacking into your databases and messing with you. She was adorable.

"I know, I know. Silly you, tripping and somehow managing to sprain your wrist." she teased, pulling you along behind her toward the house. "I've already got a couple of movies set up, popcorn's fresh popped and there is a ginormous pile of all the couch cushions, blankets, pillows, sheets, and the occasional box fan--which I found in the basement--in the living room so we can make the worlds greatest pillow fort to gossip in. And don't you dare tell me you're too cool for that because I know better than anyone that you freaking love pillow forts."

All you could do was laugh as she pulled you along, talking more than a mile a minute. By the time she'd finished, she was breathless and you were in their little foyer. 

" Rox ,  Rox , don't worry. I'm not too cool for pillow forts. I'm not too cool for movies and popcorn and gossip. Now let's get building. Have you made blueprints again?" 

Once, she really had made up blueprints for you to follow to make the best pillow fort you'd yet to build. The next time you went over, you were back to just building for fun and throwing things together in the most effective way you could think of at that time. She never failed to make you smile. Even when she gasped in mock horror and covered her mouth.

"You think I would have made blueprints and stifled your creativity again? Never!" Her façade was lost to giggles as you rolled your eyes and walked toward the living room, never having needed anyone to show you around. Rose and Roxy had been family as you grew up, as Dave was out in Hollywood much of the time and you were too young to stay home by your lonesome. In seconds she was wrapped around your arm again, giggling and smiling like nothing could happen to ruin her day.

And nothing really could. It was already shaping up to be the world's most wonderful day to date, with the promise of forts and gossip and the inevitable popcorn fight when you couldn't agree on which movie to have on as background noise next. This day couldn't possibly be ruined, but it could all too easily get better.

She never failed to make you smile.

"Alright, alright. Let's go on and make our fort." your voice was light and relaxed, as was the rest of you. Somehow, she always managed to relax you. It didn't take long for your fort to take shape over the couch and television, cushions covering the floor as a makeshift mattres s for when you inevitably passed out somewhere around four AM. It was comfortable, the sheet over top of you pleasantly fluffed by the fan Roxy had plugged in. There were plenty of blankets and cushions to create a little home-within-a-home for you two to waste time in. 

"I have I nception set up to run first. You're not allowed to complain. Have some popcorn and talk to me." Roxy settled in the  little nest of pillows she'd created, cuddling up as the film began. Her smile brought one to your face as you curled up next to her.

"Did you ever get cute cotton candy girl's number? I know you were massively crushing on her for a ridiculously long time." you asked, eyes locked on the flush that grew on Roxy's face. It was adorable. Roxy was both a best friend and a twin sister, all in one. You liked to take care of her and tease her, as well as gossip about cute boys and girls with her.

"Cotton candy carnival girl?  Janey ? Yeah, I got her number..." she mumbled, avoiding meeting your eyes. You quirked an eyebrow, waiting for her to expand. "...And we went on our first date last weekend!" all of a sudden her eyes lit up and she was talking a mile a minute.

"It was so sweet and she's so cute I mean you remember how she's just a little bit chubby? Well she wore the cutest little dress and it was this dark navy blue, she told me when I picked her up that she wasn't sure about wearing it because you could sometimes see her tummy through it and she had the absolute prettiest blush I've ever seen when she said that!  Janey  even let me buy her a box of cookie dough bites and when we went to the park for our picnic she pushed me on the swings; oh  Dirky  she's so sweet and I just-"

You cut her off with a finger against her lips, instead pulling her into a tight hug and smiling brightly. "I told you she'd give you her number if you just asked!" you teased, tone light and playful. She blushed a deeper pink and shoved at your chest, and you just hugged her closer in retribution. "I knew it, I was right! And she went on a date with you. Which cloud of heaven were you floating on for the next couple of days?"

"Probably like sixteen, I don't even know!" she gushed. "I mean.. Jane's just so nice, she's always happy and she brought me some cupcakes the other day, they were so tasty. Her dad runs a bakery, too! Next week she wants to take me to meet him, just as a friend. And I'm totes okay with that, I mean, mom thinks we're just friends too."

The way Roxy went on about her made you think back to how you were when you first met Jake. You were just as smitten as Roxy was with, apparently, Jane, if not even more so. It was an abundan tly  clear fact that you had fallen head over heels in just a few text conversations. Had you really talked like Roxy was now?

"I can't wait for our next date, we're supposed to go out to see the new X-Men movie on it's last showing. Maybe you and Jake can come! A double date!" her eyes suddenly got brighter, and your heart fluttered a little at the thought. In the past you two had gone on double dates, her bringing along whoever she'd been dating at the time, and you with Jake. He'd been incredibly romantic and sweet, going so far as to literally sweep you off your feet when you two had attended junior prom last year. It was almost like a different world, from how you two were lately. You loved him so much.

"I'll see if he's up for it,  Rox . Promise."

"Why don't you text him and ask? I mean, you've got your phone on you. You always have your phone on you. And if you ask now we can plan better!" She was so genuinely excited you found that you couldn't say no to her.

"Okay, okay, miss Pushy Boots." You poked your tongue out at her and dug your phone from your pocket, tapping out a quick text to Jake.

_ Hey, Jake. I was wondering... Would you want to go for a double date with Roxy? Like we used  to? She's got a girl she really likes, and wanted me to ask if you'd  wanna  go see X-Men. Text me back.  _

_ ...I love you. And I'm sorry.. I'm okay. Really. Nothing's hurt too badly. _

Those last couple of sentences were probably a mistake, but you'd already sent them and sealed your fate. Maybe he just wouldn't text you back. That would be kind of nice. You could reply to Roxy's offer later, after you'd had some more time to make things up to Jake.

"Did you send the message?" Roxy was practically leaning over your shoulder. In some childish payback, you turned and licked her cheek. She shrieked and laughed, shoving you away. You didn't mind. This time, you rolled away and laid out to watch the film some more, even though you'd already missed the most of it.

"You saw me tap at my screen for a while, right?" her deadpan look made you laugh a bit more. "Yes, I sent the message. I don't know when he'll reply  th -" the tingling of your phone cut you off, just a touch of shock coloring your features. 

_ I'd love to go with you, Dirk. Did Roxy text you to ask? I wonder why she didn't text me as well.. Oh well. Who's this new girl? _

He was ignoring the last bit of your message. And he thought.. Oh. Right. Okay... Well. Again, you had a choice. Lie, or tell him the truth. If you lied, he might text Roxy and ask. And then Roxy would ask why you lied to him. That was an uncomfortable conversation you did not want to have, especially not when you were having such a wonderful night with her. Hopefully he wouldn't be mad. 

"He said he'd love to go. I'll text him later with the details, tonight's our night. Remember? It's catch-up night because it's been way too long since we've last spent any real time together." you would probably sneak text him a while. Making him angry was not a goal of yours, especially not today. 

"Alright, alright. We'll put up the phones for tonight." Roxy poked her tongue out at you, and you laughed and tossed a few kernels of popcorn at her. It was silly and immature, but you really didn't care at this point. Roxy was great at getting you to relax and forget about whatever was worrying you at any particular moment. It was just part of her charm. It was one of the millions of things you loved about her. Something about being around her made you so relaxed, like everything outside of that moment just didn't matter.

At least, it did until she smacked you with a pillow.

You yelped and tossed your own back at her, careful to be cautious of your wrist. Messing it up wouldn't be good, especially since Dave was already worried sick  about it. Falling on it would definitely hurt, so you definitely weren't going to let that happen. You held up your pillowcase as a sign of surrender, claiming your hurt wrist as your reason. It really was your reason, so you had every right to call it quits over that. Roxy was definitely a good sport over it though, blowing you a kiss and then falling over in a little fit of giggles.

Just a minute later, you were halfway laying over her and she was whining for you to get off. You looked up at her and made a less than half assed attempt to pull yourself off. She rolled her eyes and tickled your sides, and you jerked away to lie on your own side of the fort again.

"Okay, okay, truce, no more. I don't think my arm can take it." you sighed, dramatic and desperate. You stretched a bit, taking a sip of the soda you'd brought out and lying your head in her lap. Her fingers threaded through your hair lazily and you smiled.

" Dirky  you've got to be more careful. Can't have you busting yourself up, you've got robots to build and computer programs to write and all that jazz you constantly talk about." Roxy smiled a bit, seeming distracted as she played with your hair. It was endearing, the way she seemed a little lost in her head  sometimes. "Hey. Promise me you won't leave me hanging so long next time? I really missed talking to you, Dirk."

Her words were sincere and her touch was gentle. It made you smile, and you nodded. "I promise. Before I leave tomorrow we'll plan our next day. And it's not allowed  to be the double date with Jake and Jane." Speaking of Jake... He'd been texting you. And you hadn't been responding. As soon as  Rox  fell asleep you planned on texting him back. You really did! 

This time, however, she noticed your phone ring. "Hey, go on and text your boy toy. I want to tell  Janey  and make sure she's okay with a double date too." With a little push she rolled you off of her lap and picked up her cell, tapping away at the screen with a shy little smile on her lips.

Roxy was still oh so smitten. So were you, honestly. Anyway, Jake.

_ Dirk, did that go through? And where are you? Roxy isn't answering my texts either. _

_ Dirk? Dirk are you ignoring me? Is it because of the other day..? Dirk I'm sorry, you know I love you... _

_ I didn't mean it, I love you so much... _

_ Wait, Roxy texted me back. _

_ Why didn't you tell me you weren't home, Dirk? _

Maybe you wouldn't text him back. 

You would, of course you would. Now was the time to explain yourself, and hopefully avoid any kind of meltdown. Okay. Quickly now, Dirk.

_ She invited me over last minute, we decided to have a sleepover. It's been a long time since we last had a lot of time to hang out, you can understand that, right? I mean. We've had days that we just wanted to spend together. Roxy's the same, except. You know. Not my boyfriend.   
_

Another text from Jake came in before you managed to send your explanation. You read it as soon as you'd sent your message.

_ I'm not mad, but why didn't you tell me? You know I like to know where you are. _

Suddenly you wished that you'd read his text before sending your reply. A smile slid onto your face and you relaxed, half cradling your phone in your hands as you waited for his response. He wasn't mad. Of course he wasn't mad. He never meant to hurt you, he always loved to see you happy. On more than one occasion he'd said that all he ever wanted was to see you happy. His life was stressful, and you understood that better than most people ever could. So you weren't angry.

You were never angry.

_ Well that makes perfect sense! I do wish you’d told me, though, Dirk. I like to know where you are, just because it makes me feel like I can protect you better. _

That's the only reason. He wants to protect you. And god knew you'd let him. You loved him oh so much, and he loved you too. And right now, that's all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I'm so horrible I'll update soon I swear


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

==> Throw your phone on the floor.   


Too late, stupid arrow thing. Already did that.   


==> Well then.   


Yeah, shut up. Don't have time to talk more about something so trivial.   


Yes, you'd thrown your cell on the floor after sending that last text. Dirk probably was relatively upset with you, hiding out at Roxy's to avoid seeing you. Ugh. You were getting tired of this. It was probably getting close to time to drop him. That, or it was time to take him again.  Feel his silky smooth skin under your hands once again. It'd been too long since the last time you'd lain together.  Maybe you could invite him over this week, have him over for a few days.    


You shook your head violently, pushing those thoughts out of your head. Dirk wasn’t a tool for you to use and derive pleasure from, he was a person who genuinely cared for and loved you. So why did you keep doing this shit to him? Every time you hit him it just drove home the point that you did not deserve him. Hell, you never did in the first place.   


Time to do what you normally did in situations like this, where you felt like the scum of the Earth. You pulled your laptop onto your abdomen and pulled up Pesterchum , to message Jane.   


_ GT: Janey ? Jane, are you there?   
_

_ GT: I could really use some loving sisterly comfort here.   
_

Jane was just one year your senior, but was still somehow the older sister figure who'd always kept your ego in check as a child. She was the first one you confided your feelings for Dirk in. She was also the first to hear that you'd "upset him". You could never tell Jane that you'd taken to hitting Dirk when you found you couldn't handle yourself. No one could ever know that, especially not her.If she didn't instantly renounce you as her almost-sibling, she'd at least come and teach you how it felt.   


God, what were you even doing.   


_ GT: Nevermind, Janey . I'll message you later.  
_

_ GT: I have to make plans for a double date.  
_

You should back out. You should back out and break up with Dirk and let him live his life with someone who isn't as horrid as you are. You should kiss his wounds one last time and leave a letter, saying everything you can't find the words for when you're in person. You should, you should, you should.   


But you knew you wouldn't. You couldn't let him out of your grasp yourself. The only way that would happen is if Dirk ever wised up and chose to leave you. It'll break you when he does. If he does, you hope he does it over the phone. Or over text. Or any, any way except in person. You don't trust yourself, don't trust your rash decisions and violent past.   


And if Dave ever found out... You're sure that your life wouldn't last a week longer if Dave ever found out what you'd done to his brother. In fact, he's probably suspicious by now... All the medical shit that Dirk must go through, and the broken fucking wrist. God, you really fucked up this time.   


When's that stupid date supposed to be? You should back out, now, and distance yourself from him. It seems like there's another "you should" around ever goddamn corner. But you won't. You never would.   


_ Dirk, when is this date?   
_

\---   


\---   


==> Jake, go get ready for your date.   


...You should have backed out. But now you can't. You curse at yourself mindlessly as you thrown clothes around your room, looking for something suitable. Your button down was too fancy. A t-shirt with that vest you have should be fine, though, if only you could find the damn thing!   


Another minute of searching turns it up in the back of your closet, probably thrown back there or knocked off of a hanger. Five minutes spent searching for a damned vest. This was ridiculous. You sighed heavily and moved to leave your bedroom, calling to your grandmother that you wouldn't be home until late. Dinner and a show and all that, silly date with your beau.   


She didn't question.   


Fifteen minutes of traffic later, you were at Dirk's apartment and texting him to come down. It wasn't long before he slid into your passenger seat, an obviously homemade brace on his wrist. For a moment, you were still. He glanced at you and then blushed, pulling his arm close and turning his face away from your gaze. Why did he feel bad for that? He had no reason- Jake you are a horrible person fucking hell... This couldn't happen again.   


"Hey, Jake.." he murmured, voice as small and shy as he seemed. It curled around him, almost like a shield. A shield you could all too easily shatter, so you did. You leant over and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, and you had a smile on your face when you pulled away. Tension melted away from his frame, almost visible to you. When his eyes met yours again they were relaxed and smiling. Content. Happy. How he always deserved to be , and how you wished you could keep him.   


"Hello, lovely love." you whispered, trying your best to keep your expression soft. His relaxation crashed over you like waves, forcing you to either drown in it or escape back to shore. For once, you let those sweet feelings overtake you. No need to keep such tight control when you'll be spending the night out in public places.   


"I've missed you." Now his voice was stronger. Just that made you smile, made you relax. You hadn't broken him. Well, you had, but not permanently. He still cared about you, he still loved you. Even though you didn't deserve it, would never in your life deserve it, he still cared. And for now, that was all that mattered.  


"I've missed you too. I'm sorry I haven't been by, I've been so busy..." Busy detesting yourself, and trying to argue a reason that he would still be with you.  Busy fighting the black clouds that plagued your mind uncontrollably. Busy having the strangest nightmares.

"I-It's completely fine. Dave's been home lately, so I've been trying to smooth things over with him." A lie. More like he was trying to cover up his broken wrist. Dave would have a hard accepting any kind of excuse. He always did.   


"Did I make him angry by staying over?" Of fucking course you did, you idiot.   


"No, he was mad about my wrist. Didn't believe that I fell. But he didn't make me go to a hospital." Dirk's eyes fell back to his wrist as he spoke, cradling it a little bit better in his lap. Beautiful orange eyes finally skittered to meet yours, and you reached out for him once again.   


"Come here, sweetheart... Let me see." You tugged him a little closer, held his arm in your hands gently. You dropped a couple of kisses over the ramshackle brace. Surprisingly, the other boy didn't flinch. He made a few little sounds, and you pulled away a moment later.   


"W-We're going to be late, we ought to get going..." Dirk whispered, the faintest hint of a blush on his cheeks. The color was wonderful, a perfect contrast to the dark colors of his clothes and the pale porcelain of his skin.   


You started up your car once again, shifting into drive and pulling away from the curb. Questions of how Dirk managed to okay this date crossed your mind, but you shoved such thoughts aside in favor of focusing on the road and getting to your destination. By this point you'd forgotten what movie you were even going to see.   


When you arrived at the theater, you immediately saw Roxy's car parked with an open space right next to it. You pulled in and parked the car, slipping out of your door and running to open Dirk's as well. His hands immediately went to help the other boy step down, holding his hand as they walked toward the entrance to the building.   


Roxy and Jane hurried to your side as soon as you entered, Jane pulled behind a squealing Roxy. " Jakey , Dirk! You made it! What took you so long, busy getting handsy in the car?" she teased, waggling her eyebrows just a little . You blushed, and Dirk shifted to hide behind you. He really was quite easily embarrassed, such an innocent boy . That was one of the many things that drew you to him, you remember.   


"N-No! We were just talking!" Dirk squeaked, his face flushed deep pink as he hid behind you. You kept one hand in his, then turned to kiss his hair.   


"Well, I did kiss you a couple of times."   


Dirk sputtered a moment, then went quiet and nodded as he wrapped slim arms around you. "I guess that's true.."   


His smile made butterflies flutter in your stomach, and you nearly cringed. He was still so in love, so desperate to make you happy. You didn't deserve him, at all. You never would.   


"C'mon, lovebirds! Movie starts in ten!" Roxy called, already halfway down the aisle to the theatre. She moved so fast sometimes, it shocked you. Shaking your head with a chuckle on your lips, you moved to the counter and purchased yours and Dirk's tickets. The clerk gave a disgusted glance at your linked hands as you walked away, so you pressed a quick but gentle kiss to Dirk's lips before walking to the theatre.   


Jane waved to you as you arrived, alerting the two of you to their position. Of course, it was in the very middle of the theater, just as Roxy liked. Thankfully, the other couple had offered to pay for popcorn and sodas. It didn't take the two of you long to arrive and take the seats the girls had saved for you. Dirk gave you a shy smile when you let him past you, and those butterflies flittered back to life alongside that darker part of you.   


Damn it.   


==> Dirk: Hide your blush in a dark room.   


Well, that's the easy part! It's easy to hide a red face in a dark room. No one can see anything except the screen!   


==> Hide it from the boyfriend kissing your cheek.   


Not so easy.   


Impossible.   


==> Heh.   


Fuck he's being so cute tonight.   


Each gentle little kiss he gave you set your heart all a-flutter, and as much as you wanted to push away those happy feelings, you couldn't. You loved him, loved him with all your heart. And having his hand holding yours was the best feeling in the world.   


Every once in a while he would lean over and feed you a piece of popcorn, kiss your hand, or offer you a sip of the soda you shared. Little things that he didn't have to do, that he was doing anyway.   


Each one dragged you back in, made you forget about the pain your wrist was in when you moved it too much, or leaned on it. Made you forget who caused it.   


You wished he would invite you over to spend a night. Hell, you wished he would propose. You were desperately in love, and couldn't always tell just how much. You needed him, just as much as he needed you.   


You'd follow him into Hell blindly if he asked. He need only ask you, you'd go without complaint. As long as you were together.   


Somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew that wasn't healthy. There was a voice that you silenced, telling you to run while you still could. That if you weren't careful he would end your life one day. He was a ticking time bomb.   


To put it lightly, you told that voice it could fuck right off.   


Jake would never hurt you that way, he would never kill you. You knew that in your heart, and you would swear by those words until you were proven wrong.   


Another little kiss pressed to your cheek snapped you out of your thoughts, and you glanced back at the screen as you turned to look at Jake. Something on the screen was exploding, you think. That thought was chased out of your mind by the sight of his eyes, somehow still perfectly gleaming in vibrant green in the dark room.   


They stole the breath from your lungs in the best way possible, dragged your heart straight back into love from the few scant centimeters it had moved. One of his hands moved to cup your cheek oh so gently, cradling the side of your face as he tugged you into a more meaningful kiss.   


His lips were just slightly chapped, their touch just the softest brush against your own until you moved to deepen the kiss further. Your hands reached to rest on his shoulders, and his other came to a rest at the small of your back. The kiss was still gentle and kind, the hand in your hair petting you sweetly. Every touch relaxed you further.   


It was a wonderful feeling. You felt loved and adored, felt that there was no one else around. Each moment dragged on into it's own forever, and you couldn't have felt happier.   


When the kiss broke, you were breathless and shaky. There were a few actors left on the screen, and you guessed it w as nearing the end of the film. Somehow, you had no idea what had happened. Of course, you assumed that was because Jake had been distracting you the entire time. His very presence distracted you... And you wouldn't trade that distraction for the entire world.   


The titters around you made you realize that it was actually the end of the film. Credits began to roll, and you laughed softly at the fact that you had no idea what had just happened in the film you were supposed to have been watching. It felt like middle school all over again, when you'd pass notes or write or draw while there were in-class films. They bored you, the stories you could plan out in your head were always infinitely more interesting.   


And now, you had Jake. Jake was more interesting than any film they could put in front of you. If Jake was around, he was your center. He captured your attention in every way, in every situation. You wouldn't leave him if your life was dependent on it. He made you feel loved, adored... Everything you ever wished to feel.   


Roxy was babbling senselessly, clearly excited about whatever action had taken place on the screen. Jane smiled a little bit at Roxy's words, her eyes gentle and soft. Jake tugged you to your feet as well, a little smile on his face as he took your hand once again. You stood without much more fanfare, and the four of you headed out toward your cars again.   


"Are we going out for lunch together, Rox ? You planned this all."   


She bit her lip a little, thinking. " Mmm ... Nah, not tonight. Me and Janey here have a sleepover planned, and mom's making her special cookies."   


You glared playfully as Jake held you a bit closer, and you leant into his touch. "Fine, me and Jake can have our own sleepover." You poked your tongue out at her, and felt Jake turn a little. Hopefully he was willing to have you over for a night... It would be nice.   


It would be a good chance for the two of you to get closer. Perhaps even make things up from what had happened over your wrist. Hopefully Jake would have you over.   


"We can, it sounds wonderful." Jake chuckled, placing a kiss on top of your head. You blushed dark red, his hand on your waist promising more than his tone. Slowly, his hand inched to rest against your skin; the hem of your shirt pushed up  _just _ so to let him touch you. It was a loaded touch, gentle but seductive against your hip. Just that made you want him.   


"We'll see you later, girls. Don't be too loud." you teased, letting Jake lead you toward the door and his car. As you left the theater, you could hear Roxy's teasing and Jane's embarrassed mumbling behind the two of you. She was a shy girl, and you thought it endearing.   


Jake's arm stayed around your waist the entire way to the car, a little smile on his face. It made you smile as well as he held your door for you. He closed it a moment later, settling in his own seat and taking your hand once more.   


"You're being so sweet tonight... It's nice. I missed you a lot, Jake," you murmured, leaning down and kissing the back of his hand.   


"Tonight I'm yours. Do you need to go by home, or do you want to borrow some sleep clothes from me?" his touch was gentle.   


"I'll borrow some sleep clothes from you, if you don't mind it." He always did like to see you in things that proved you were his, from wearing his jackets to school to wearing his clothes after he'd taken you. It was something you were always perfectly fine with. Being his.   


\---   


His kisses burned with a passionate fire that you couldn't place the origin of. Every last stroke of his hands over your skin left a burning path of sensation in its wake. You found yourself able to place yourself in space only relative to him. Once again, Jake was the very center of your existence. Your breathing was slow and laborious, the seemingly endless kisses drawing every speck of air from your lungs.   


As he pulled away you lost him, unable to open your eyes for thought of breaking the spell. When you recovered him, it was simply by his fingers dragging your shirt up over your chest. A chill ran through you, and your eyes opened just the slightest bit.   


"You look so lovely..." Jake murmured, his lips painting words on the now reddened skin of your neck. You tilted your head back a bit more, eyes glinting in the low light of his bedroom. His hands wound their way around your hips, holding you back against him. It occurs to you that he likely pulled away to take off his own shirt, as you can feel the searing heat of his bare skin against yours.   


A heady flush had arisen on your cheeks, and a soft sound slipped past swollen lips as Jake licked a slow line up the column of your throat. Your hands weren't sure where to settle, and you ended up with your hands twined in his beautiful thick hair.   


He paused to kiss and suck yet another love bite into your pale skin, and a moan finally broke past your reserve. You could feel the smirk that slid onto his face.  Within moments you found yourself with the back of your knees pressed against his mattress, so you let yourself tumble back and finally get a good look at him.   


Those green eyes that you so adored were blown wide with arousal, and as your eyes tracked down his chest you could feel his gaze mirroring yours. The bruising on your torso had faded out further, down to pale yellow discolorations where the heaviest marks had previously been. Your body was a clean slate, as was tonight.   


Jake moved with all the grace of a jaguar as he settled over you, hands rested on either side of your head. His hips touched yours and you gently rolled your own up, eyes fluttering but managing to stay open with the sweet taste of friction. You already craved more.   


Once more he captured your lips in a searing kiss, settling lower and grinding his length against yours. The sensations made you moan into the kiss, and your arms locked around his neck to hold him there, in place against you. His hands had moved from aside your head, instead stroking up and down your sides or cupping your face gently. He was handling you as you'd seen him handle fine china, with incredible control and gentleness.   


There was a sweet, slow buildup of pressure in your lower stomach, and your back arched a little bit. All you wanted was closeness, and for that buildup to continue. Jake chuckled a little and pulled back from the kiss, and you realized you were making soft whining sounds as you ground your hips against his. Your flush deepened, and he smiled down at you.   


"You're s uch a beautiful boy..." he whispered, brushing a stray lock of hair away from your face. He slid off of you fluidly, and motioned for you to lie better on the bed. Of course, you complied. The adoring look he gave you was motivation enough. His voice was barely a whisper as he spoke again. "Will you let me have you, Dirk? Oh please, lovely little love, won't you let me take you tonight?"   


Your reply was a shy swallow, followed by the slightest nod. God, you loved him.   


His form moved away from you, going to his nightstand and picking up a familiar bottle. He set it near you on the bed, before moving to the hem of your jeans. It was quick work, unfastening them and pulling down the zipper, but it felt agonizingly slow to you.   


Warm fingertips slipped past your waistband, and tugged down clothing. You blushed down to your chest as you were exposed, still surprisingly self conscious of your own body. Jake's smile reassured you a little as he tossed away your jeans and boxers. He shoved his own down and out of the way unceremoniously, settling back on the edge of the bed in just as little as you were.   


The soft click of the bottle cap snapped your attention back to what was happening and you took a deep breath, letting yourself relax. You'd done this before. You knew it didn't hurt very much. Nothing you couldn't handle. Shyly, you let your legs fall to the sides. Jake took up the space between, running his hands up and down the length of your thighs a couple of times.   


It was a gentle touch, the sweet connotations behind it making you relax further. He slicked up three of his fingers then stroked one over your taint,  your breath hitching just a touch at the sensation.  He smiled a bit more at this sound, and a moment later he slipped a finger into you.   


==> Jake, be gentle.   


You are being gentle!   


==> Good.   


The boy underneath you was shivery and flushed, and you could feel each beat of his heart through his skin. His breath was soft and panted, quick as you slid another finger into him. You scissored your fingers and watched as his hips began to twitch. His mouth opened just a touch and he took a few more deep breaths.   


You watched his eyes flutter, and it just made you want to kiss his cheeks. It took a moment longer for you to move again, thrusting your fingers oh so gently into him. It made him cry out softly, his frame shuddery and pulled taut with coiling pleasure.   


A third finger slid into him, stretching him just that bit further. You didn't want this to hurt, you wanted this to be sweet and slow and gentle. Loving. You didn't want to fuck him, you wanted to make love to him. With him. Try to make up for all of the horrible things you'd done in the past and things you knew you would do to him in the future.   


"J-Jake, Jake... Jake, please.." His wordless moans had turned into shy pleas, quiet begging for you to move on and take him. And who would you be to deny him?   


You slid out your fingers a moment later, settling between his legs a bit better. He flushed dark red as you lined up with him, barely pressing against him.   


"Are you ready, love? Just tell me if you need me to stop. Tell me. I just need to know, beautiful boy."   


"J-Just go ahead..." there was a soft smile on his face, and he shivered just a touch as you pressed into him. The movement was slow and steady, and as soon as you found yourself fully buried you paused to stroke over his hips.   


His frame was relaxed but his breathing was quick, face dusted pink and hair mussed. His skin was back to being porcelain pale, perfect and smooth. The sight served to stir up those black feelings in the back of your mind. You disgusted yourself sometimes.   


Why would you even want to hurt this boy? He was nothing but sweet; long lines and pale blond hair accentuating those strange eyes that captivated your thoughts late at night. Full lips parted with panting breaths, swollen and pink from moments of biting and kisses. Put shortly, he was breathtaking. How you lived with yourself for hurting him you didn't quite know.   


Dirk had begun to roll his hips against yours with little whimpers, and the movement dragged you out of your thoughts. You smiled a bit and pulled back, pressing back slowly to let him get used to the motion. It was a gentle movement, slow and building. You began to repeat the process, letting your speed increase in little increments. In no time he was panting and moaning, and soft groans fell from your lips in time. The soft smack of skin accompanied your sounds, an intimate symphony of your night together.   


In no time you were both close, and you wrapped a gentle hand around Dirk to help stroke him to his finish. He came with a cry of your name, back arched just off of the sheets. You followed in little to no time, spilling yourself into him with a soft whisper of his name.   


The moment ended with you slipping out of him, both of you falling to sleep minutes later. You were wrapped up with him in bliss, and for now you simply wanted to enjoy the feelings.   


\---   


==> Jake, wake up.   


You woke around nine that night, finding your arms empty. You sat up, a more than a little bit shocked not to see Dirk immediately. Heart racing, you shot out of bed and grabbed some sleep pants from the floor.   


The first place you checked was the washroom, the worry rising in your throat when you found that he wasn't there either. Next stop was the hall, still no sign. Not near the stairwell. Not in the kitchen. Fuck. Your throat began to tighten with worry and you went for a last ditch guess. The roof. You went to the attic, finding the door to the roof open. The tightness in your chest let up a little as you forced yourself to calm down.   


Walking out onto the open expanse, you found him leaning against the railings. The last dregs of your worry drained from you replaced with a feeling akin to anger. Your footsteps were silent as you walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, forcefully pulling him back.   


"Why the hell are you up here? And why didn't you tell me you would be? Dirk, you have no idea how worried I was. I had no idea where you were. No clue. You didn't leave a note, you weren't in the house. I thought you had left."   


Your words were icy, face forced stoic as you waited for a response. Dirk, however, was surprisingly easy to read. He was startled and flustered, clearly not sure how to respond to your series of questions.   


"W-Well, I just came up here to relax. I wanted some fresh air. It was rather stuffy, and you were still asleep. I didn't want to wake you, a-and I couldn't find any paper anywhere-" he stuttered, a pale blush forming on his face. He was embarrassed. Good. He ought to be, scaring you the way he had!   


"You could have sent me a text. Or just laid there. Opened a window. There were many more options than just  _leaving _ , Dirk!"   


Fire leapt into your words and you gripped his arm. It was a harsh grip, much more than you should have to use. The wince he gave you simply reinforced that knowledge. His other hand came up to rest on your wrist, tugging lightly a few times.   


"Jake, I just didn't want to wake you... I-I didn't know if you'd be okay with me opening the window- Love, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. You know I didn't. I swear it, Jake.." he trailed off, feeling your hand tighten further.   


You huffed angrily and used your entire body weight, throwing the other onto the harsh concrete of your rooftop. To his credit, he didn't scream. The lack, however, just fueled that fire burning at the top of your skin. You stalked over to him, pressing a heel against his collarbones, a dark glare on your face.   


"J-Jake, Jake I'm sorry you know I am-" his pleading was cut off by the pressure you put on your foot, making him gasp in pain. Fluidly, you shifted to kneel beside him. Your words were coated with a dank miasma as you spoke.   


"Sorry is not going to cut it, Dirk. You know I don't like this sort of behavior. It's disrespectful and rude, you should know that! "   


His eyes closed tightly, and one of your hands found its way to his throat. Before you truly realized it, you'd put so much pressure that he was gasping for breath. You let go before he fell limp, resting a knee on the middle of his chest as it heaved; dragging in breath after breath of precious oxygen.   


His desperation made you laugh, the sound dark.   


Inwardly, you were screaming.   


You stood once more, pushing him back along the concrete. This time, he did scream. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed the blood now staining the ground. When you removed your foot from his chest he sat up as much as he could. Quick as a shot, your hand was in his hair, forcing him to stand. You kept your hand there, dragging him to the wall and pressing him against it.   


He writhed in pain and you drew your free hand back, smacking him hard across the face. The sound resonated a little, and your hand was wet from the tears you knew he was crying.   


His lips moved soundlessly, but you could guess he was begging you to stop. You scoffed, shoving him down to his knees and landing a swift kick to his ribs. He fell to the side, gasping and shaking. Another kick had him lying flat on his back once more, frame quivering.   


Finally, you heard another sound.   


"Please... P-Please, please no more I'll never do it again, I swear..." he cried, breaking into full-blown sobs. Your foot fell to the wrist you'd broken last time. Without a second thought, you stepped down harshly and ground your heel into the injury. His scream pierced your ears, and when you pulled away he didn't move.   


You leant down and forced him up one last time, a hand on his bloodied back. You yanked his hair back, forcing him to lock eyes with you.   


"You will never do that again. You will never,  _ever _ , worry me like that again." Shoving him forward, you watched him stumble down the stairs from the attic.  


You watched as he redressed himself, pulling on the shirt that you'd so tenderly pulled from his frame the night before. You watched him shudder and bit his lip as he kept from crying as it pulled and touched his broken wrist. His jeans came next, replacing the plaid sleep pants he'd donned after you'd lain together. He turned around to pick up his jacket, it's black color hiding the blood you now saw staining the back of his shirt.  


You said nothing, the thought to offer help not even crossing your mind . He picked at his shirt to make it lie right, shades clipped onto the front for the moment, spiked lenses not yet hiding the pain in his lovely eyes.   


You followed him into the washroom where he brushed his hair into something resembling his normal gelled style. He washed his hands as best he could, then finally replaced his sunglasses on his face as he always did.   


Feet were shoved unceremoniously into faded sneakers. His hands shook harshly as he fumbled with the lock and handle on your door.   


He left your home without another word.   


As you watched him begin his walk home it hit you what exactly you'd done. The way he cradled his arm. The slight stilt in his steps. The dots of crimson blood you could still see on the peekaboo of his shirttail. It wrenched your heart, but not enough to make you stop. Not enough to give him up.   


Looking down, you saw the blood on your hands.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long, and I hope you like it!
> 
> Tumblr Mirror: http://dramatical-strider.tumblr.com/post/93641553049/secrets-ch-7


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crossposted to my tumblr, as always.  
> Gendxrfluid.tumblr.com

 

==> Be the one on his way home.   


Yes, that would indeed be you. You, trying to walk steadily down the street back toward the apartment you reside in. You, failing at a steady gait as each step reminds you of the stinging pain that laces through your back. Your feet and legs move on autopilot as you rethink the morning you've had. The sun has risen enough to paint your back with light by this time , making the dots of crimson red show up against the dark colored shirt that you'd picked on instinct. Blood has a harder time showing up on dark clothes.   


Morning runners jog past you, paying no mind as the music in their ears powers their moving bodies  forward, forward, endlessly forward. You, with no music to distract you, are forced to listen to the mantra that repeats with every broken step you take. Your fault. Your fault. It's all. Your. Fault. You can still feel every last scratch, and cut, and blossoming bruiseunderneath your shirt. The sensations could drive a lesser being insane.   


There's no way you can go home like this, blood oozing down your back and a defined stilt in your step. Dave would immediately see something wrong with you. It wouldn't take a moment--and god help you if he decided to initiate a strife today of all days. There would be no way left to argue out of going to the hospital. And what the hell were you supposed to say to them? Perhaps... Perhaps you should just stay in this park for a few hours. The fresh air ought to do your machinist lungs some good , not to mention your barely-functioning psyche.   


It all depended on the weather. If it was due to rain, you'd have to sneak into your home.  A quick check on your cell let you know that you had, in fact, left it at Jake's.   


Fuck.   


===> Be the one on a cell phone.   


A cell phone? No. It's not just any cell phone. It's a very specific cell phone. Your boyfriend's cell phone, actually , that he managed to leave at your house. God knows how he managed to actually leave it here, he's fucking lost without it. Ping!   


A text. From.. . Dave? You had no idea that they ever texted each other, let alone that Dave would be the one to text first. Dirk could be incredibly needy. God knew he always texted you first. Maybe it was just because it was you.   


_      hey lil ' man, when are you coming home?   
_

_      john&rose are coming by later and they want to see you.   
_

John and Rose? Who the hell are John and Rose? Logically, they're friends of Dave's, not Dirk's. You know all of Dirk's friends rather well, and they are more your friends than his. He's really bad about actually making friends. He was barely able to talk to you in the beginning. Jesus, he's so inept at times . Well, most of the time. But then again, that's probably your fault at this point. It's definitely your fault, you're the one who wants him all to yourself. You're the one who's broken him down so that all he needs is you.   


Anyway , you're getting way off topic. Might as well take this over to him, he ought to be home in a few. It didn't take that long to walk over to his apartment. You figured you'd leave in about ten minutes.   


===> Be the one hiding in the park.   


What? Fuck if you're going home in this state. Who knew what would be waiting when you got home. Without your phone, you have no fucking clue if he'd clued you in. Normally he gave some sort of notice if you were going to be attacked when you got home, or if he brought John over or something.Fuck. Nope, not going home today. Fuck that. Not when you have no fucking clue what might be awaiting you through the door.   


Instead, you'll stay here.   


The people who run by all seem lost in their own world, so focused on the goal that they miss the teenager currently sitting inside the jungle gym. They don't notice the blood that drips from your back every few seconds. All of the moving you had to do to get up here had opened up many of the little cuts and scratches, and now they bled once more. Blonde ponytails and short brown hair, fit and unfit adults, those teens who work so hard for their athletics. You could see just about every kind of person here in under an hour, it seemed.   


You were almost beginning to drift off again, sitting on this small platform. The breeze made the weather just nice enough to warrant a nap in the sun. A soft sigh slipped past your lips and you leaned against the panel to your side. You were beginning to feel almost better. The pain was receding a bit, and as it faded you found yourself forgetting about the scratches and cuts. You could live like this, you supposed. It wouldn't hurt too much to just continue on the way you were.   


The park was peaceful, especially in the early morning. Yes, this is still early. There are no children running about, just the joggers that pass without a stilt in their step, without a thought to you. You're just a decoration here, its strangely relaxing. You aren't someone's boyfriend, someone's brother, someone's son. You're just some stupid kid, here in the early morning. You just exist, not disturbing a thing.   


You disturb nothing, and nothing disturbs you. It is a beautiful existence. The people around you slowly diminish, then rebuild. Noon rolls around. Suddenly the area is full of children and teens, escaping their daily lives just as you are. It's a relaxing feeling, being so at peace with all of the people around you. No one around you is judging, no one is attempting to hurt you or look over your choices, like Dave would. No one here in the park is going to tell you how to live.   


It's almost like the world has come to a stop for now. It's willing to give you a break and let you heal for a while. Warm light and a perfect breeze, it's a day meant for healing. At least, that's what it feels like to you. The people who run past don't matter. They have their own problems, their own lives, their own secrets to keep. It's nothing you have to worry yourself with, nothing you have to clutter your already messy mind with. Thank the stars for that.   


Hunger is beginning to eat at you, but that's something you can handle for today. Hunger is trivial, it's one of those things that will matter in a week, two weeks. It's not going to kill you right now. The atmosphere surrounding you is just too perfect, too peaceful, too wonderful to give up in the pursuit of something as momentarily trivial as food.   


But... You couldn't stay here forever. You can't. It's just not allowed, it's not possible. You're a person who needs the company of others, others who you're close to. It makes an incredible difference in your life when you're cut off from people that you care about. Jake, Roxy, Jane, Dave... Even his friends, John and Rose. You do need their company. You crave it. It makes you feel less trapped, less alone. Your head can be a scary place when you're left to your own devices.   


Everyone was a different entity in your life. Jake, Dave, Roxy. None of them knew everything. Jake didn't always know what you were doing, even though he nigh demanded to. Dave knew next to nothing about your life as of late. Roxy knew bits and pieces, but no full pictures. Everything was broken, in her view. Whether or not she knew that was a big question, but it was true. You couldn't even think about telling her everything. It would ruin her. She would tell Dave, and Jane, and she might actually kill Jake. There were so many things that you just  couldn't  do.   


If you'd break things off with Jake, you could do everything again. You could tell Dave and Roxy the truth, you could wear short sleeved shirts and tank tops again, you could throw out all of the makeup and medical paraphernalia that you worked so hard to hide. Jake was the reason behind all of these secrets and lies, and, if you were honest with yourself, it infuriated you. You hated the control he needed, the way he hurt you and then pretended like everything was still okay.

You hated playing the victim all the time, crying and broken each time you left his home. The slivers of skin that were left on his roof felt like an anchor at times, the droplets of blood like chains. His ironclad grip on your heart that made it feel like you were dying every time you thought about losing him. Your lives were much too intricately tied to be broken apart so easily. Everything in your being drew you back to him , no matter how horrible you knew it was that it did. God, you hated how you loved him. Every fiber of your body craved his touch, his love, his care.  


You couldn't stand it.   


With a restrained shout, you threw yourself off of the jungle gym and began to run. You ran at a full-tilt sprint, your mind clouded and muddled. You ran, and ran. Your feet smacked sharply against the pavement as you did, passing by joggers who hadn't thought to even blink at you as they'd moved past just minutes before. You weren't thinking as long as you were running. Breathing became harsh and sharp, gasping bursts that only served to make your lungs burn. You hadn't run in ages, and it felt incredibly freeing. The pain that laced through your battered body was wrought by your own discretion. You felt like you again. You felt in control again. It felt like something primal, something you'd never thought that you needed so much, needed like you needed to breathe, to sleep, to eat.   


In truth, you don't know how far you ran. How many laps around the park, how many people you passed, how many blocks you crossed in the space of time that you ran. When you slowed to a stop, you were nowhere near the park. After a few laps, the park had become boring. It was meaningless to keep running in circles there. So you began to run down the street, down back allies that were unlit and likely inhabited by people you didn't want to see. You ran through yards and jumped fences that laid in your way. Life didn't matter. Your problems didn't matter. Nothing else existed.   


It was a different kind of zen than what you'd experienced while sitting on the jungle gym. It was an otherworldly feeling, being so out of control for so long and then suddenly feeling in control of what was happening. It was refreshing and made you feel so intensely alive. In that moment, you  understood those teens who chose to harm themselves just to feel something. You were harming yourself in your own way, overexerting and wearing yourself out to the point where you had to lean against a wall and pant desperately for your breath.  


It was the most freeing thing you'd felt in years.   


===> Check your phone.   


That's the plan right now. That's been the plan for the last hour , at least . It's almost eleven o'clock in the morning, Dirk is always awake by now. He doesn't sleep in, ever. The kid's way too active for that shit. He's a wakeful person. All the time he spends asleep is just time he could be spending in the shower, or working on his projects, or talking to his friends. It's not like him to be asleep this long, regardless of the situation.   


You could always send another text, but what would the point of that be? If Dirk was receiving them, he would just call you clingy and paranoid because he didn't text you back one time . Sarcastic little shit. You'd only sent two messages so far, and they were pretty close together... Fuck. You were worried at this point. Essentially being his parent, and all. Fuck it.   


_      yo lil' man you need to text me back so I can tell rose&john when to come   
_

There. That's perfect. It both provides an excuse for why you're texting so often and gets the 'text me back' message across loud and clear. But, if he doesn't fucking text back within fifteen minutes you are going to go over to English's place and bring him home yourself. This is really getting ridiculous.   


A minute later and you're pacing across the floor, tapping out an anxious beat on your forearm. He needs to fucking text you. This isn't normal behavior. Even for Dirk, he's never this reclusive. Maybe he's a bit secretive sometimes and he likes to keep more to himself and his computer, but he's always at least had the sense of mind to text you when you needed to know things. This weird shit had to stop, soon. You didn't know how much more change your heart could take, especially with the increasing number of gauze pads you'd find hidden around the house. You knew for a fact that you weren't the one stashing them everywhere.   


A knock at the door snapped you out of your reverie, and you walked over to the door. Looking through the glass, you could see the one and only Jake fucking English standing outside, hands in his coat pockets. He looked smug, like he always did. Might as well open the door, maybe he knew where your absentee brother was. With a put-upon sigh, you unlatched and opened the door.   


"What is it, English?"   


"Sorry Mr. Strider, I don't mean to intrude. But your brother seemed to have left his phone over in my room from last night. I came to return it to him, is he home yet?" Jake replied, all too chipper and just this side of condescending.   


"Kid, he isn't here. And no fucking wonder he hasn't been texting me back, he doesn't have his goddamn phone! Why didn't you at least text me, so I could have left and gone to fucking find him?"   


That was it. You were so beyond fucking done with this kid. He could have at least had the goddamn sense to text you, and tell you that Dirk left his fucking phone there so you didn't panic so much!   


"What? He's not here? He left my home almost three hours ago..." Jake mused, clearly confused. Wait--three hours?   


"He left your house three fucking hours ago?"

"Yeah.. Around eight. He said that he had some project to finish up, so he was packing it in a bit early!"   


Alright, fuck this. With no thought to the kid's health, you snatched Dirk's cell phone out of Jake's hand and shoved him out of your apartment unceremoniously. Two clicks and the latches were redone, and you were texting everyone you knew. John, Rose, Jade... Some of his friends as well; Roxy, Jane. Mass text would be the easiest thing to do.   


Maybe he went over to Roxy's. God, you hoped he went over to Roxy's.   


_      group msg : yo , we got a problem. dirk's missing. is he over there?   
_

You didn't know what you'd do if all of the answers were no.   


_      RL: Dirk isn't at my home, Dave. What do you mean he's missing?   
_

_      rl : what? dirky's gone?   
_

_      JE: dave , are you sure about this?   
_

Fuck. You really don't have time for this.   


_      JH: he isnt with me   
_

_      JC: I'm over with Ro- lal , and he's not here... Dave?   
_

God damnit.   


_      group msg : im going to look for him   
_

_      group msg : keep me posted_   


Now not only is your charge missing, but now you've freaked out all of his friends, and some of your own. That was probably a poor choice on your part. With no more fanfare, you shoved your feet into trashed white sneakers and grabbed your car keys. Jake was still standing outside, a bit shell-shocked, when you left the apartment.   


"English, my kid brother is missing. Get the hell out of here. Until further notice, you aren't stepping fucking foot in this building." Your words had a sharp edge, cutting through the kid's stupor and straight to his heart.   


He shook his head and stepped back. You turned on your heel and began to slide down the handrails , not paying heed to the danger such a thing posed. A short leap from the end and you were just a few paces from the entrance to the building and your car. You'd tell the doorman to keep English out later. Fucking hell. This was turning out to be anything but a good day.   


===> Take a breather.  


You're working on it! It's been a long morning. You've gone through a lot, and at this point you're sore and unhappy. All you want to do is relax. But of fucking course, you can't. You don't have your goddamn phone, so it's not like you can call Roxy or someone to come and pick you up. You don't have a place to relax and let yourself heal up a bit. The only option you really have is to go home, and deal with the consequences.   


But no, fuck that.   


There's gotta be a place you can at least go and sit for a while. There are hundreds of chain restaurants in this town, you could go rest there. But if you got blood on something, you'd be in trouble. You'd have to explain why you were bleeding. And that's not an option.   


You finally thought to look around, seeing that you'd ended up near a clinic. Something about this was familiar, as though you knew someone around here. Or maybe someone you went to school with works there? It's strange. Something about this building was too familiar, and it was worrying. Perhaps it was someone related to Dave...   


A car slowing to a stop near you brought you out of your reverie. The window rolled down, and your eyes widened behind your shades.   


"Ms. Lalonde ? Is that really you?"   


_      RL: I found him Dave. We'll be there in about fifteen minutes.   
_


End file.
